TOMORROW IS THE DAY!! The 1st day of May, which means the first day of my #feelaMAYzing challenge! After suffering through a winter of sweatpants, no bra, tank tops, hoodies, and slip on boots, I am READY to actually dress my body up like the goddess she is!
Y’all know I don’t have a shortage of sequin, faux fur, or various other textured clothing and these beauties spend more time on hangers “waiting for the right occasion”, well shit. I say NO MORE! If I want to rock a sequin frock - I’M GOING TO! My friend Christine, a stylist from Denver, told me in January that clothes and accessories are a form of expression and I know it may seem obvious to some, but it was like a lightbulb went off in my brain! It’s so true. Clothes allow us to tell the world who we are, what we are attracted to, and what gives us life. So, when I spent the winter not caring about my appearance, the presentation to the rest of the world was just that - I DON’T CARE. And it couldn’t be further from the truth….I DO care. A LOT. ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS. BUT, don’t confuse me wanting to dress “better” as wanting to do it for others. I want to do it for ME, for my BODY, for my SOUL which LOVES sequin, faux fur, and metallics.
The other reason I wanted to do this challenge, was because after thinking about why I “gave in” to sweatpants, is because within the last 2 years my body has grown in size and while previously I was still a fat body, I was what is called a “small fat” and was able to shop at most stores that catered up to a size 1x. Now, my body wants to fit into 2x-3x and there are a lot less options out there and the options that are there are….tenty? Matronly? Garish? In any case, I realized that my mind had gotten caught up with fatphobic thinking. “I can’t wear XXXX because my tummy looks too big” “I shouldn’t wear XXXX because my thighs look bigger” etc. That’s when I realized that we, as a society, only like our clothes if they are “flattering” aka “make me look smaller and more societally acceptable”. We wear push up bras to make our boobs look bigger, higher, and bountiful. Those of us with athletic rectangular shaped bodies are told to use a wide belt to cinch the waist in to achieve the sought after hourglass shape. Our jeans need to make our bums look round, our skirts can’t be too long, too short, etc. to not disturb anyone around us. You get the point.
So, that brings us to MAY! For the month of May, I am going to dress how I feel and this will be everything to hair, makeup, accessories, and clothing. The kicker will be that I will not look in a full length mirror (before I leave the house) because I KNOW that those fatphobic thoughts are STILL there and will still permeate my decision making skills. I want to know what it will be like to dress freely and for me. Now, I AM a photographer, so I will be documenting the outfits, but not until later in the day when the decision has been made and I have settled on the oufit.
