As we gear up for the holidays I can already feel the pending sense of doom and despair. I can hear the cries of the townsfolk and can see the Grinch telling us that we can’t even sing this year!! WHAT???!!! But here’s the thing, folx, just like on Who’s Line Is It Anyway? the holidays as you know them are just made up and, well, that’s all that matters.
Now, I’m not saying you can’t be upset that Christmas is DIFFERENT this year - of course, you can do whatever you like - BUT what I can say is that YOU are the only thing between this being the worst Christmas or best Christmas ever.
I remember the first Christmas without my Dad. It just wasn’t the same. I mean it seemed similar, but it wasn’t the same - something had changed. Something I didn’t choose had changed Christmas for me. So, we made a special tradition to remember Dad and started a NEW family tradition. It wasn’t bad, it was just different.
This year is different. In Manitoba, we are in a full lockdown. Meetings of people are limited. Household gatherings aren’t permitted. Fines are being handed out. Is it ideal? No. But is it bad? Also,no. People dying? Nurses and doctors being worked to the brink of exhaustion? Building new morgues? THAT’S bad. So, if you are fortunate enough to have a home to exist in over the holidays, then I encourage you to try a new take on old traditions and make this the best Christmas yet - I mean, it’s already one to remember, why not show up as the person you know you want to be??! Here are a few of the ways that I recommend to dig down, step up, and move forward through these holidays:
1) Look back at past traditions and figure out what values/words/etc. show up. Sit down with the family and together discuss what makes the holidays so special for each of you.
Many people will probably say things like: getting together with family or some variation of connection and while that may be true, I want you to go even deeper. Is it sharing inside secrets with your sister? Is it having political arguments with your brother? Is it decorating the ham like an owl with your mom?
Personally, I love how my husband pretends to hate the holidays, yet spends an entire day making a painstaking rainbow Jello thing for my nieces and nephews. It gives him an excuse to call his mom, to use his talents of patience and deliberation, and it’s once a year when he gets applauded for his cooking. For me, I see his inner child is still present underneath his robot exterior. As such, this year he will still make it, but we will drop it off with a care package for my sister and the kids and watch their faces through the window. Is it the same? No. Is it bad? No. It’s just different.
I used to love spending Christmas eve with either my brother’s family or my sister’s family (or if we were lucky, my mom would host!) and while it’s unfortunate that probably won’t be my reality this Christmas, I just have to be creative. I will be sending each family unit a doll that looks like me (tutorial on tiktok coming soon!) and tell my nieces and nephews that someone has to be in charge of keeping me involved throughout Christmas day. I EXPECT PICTURES OF ME PARTICIPATING! Is it the same? Not at all. But it certainly isn’t bad.
2) Insight the spirit of Christmas Competition!
Who can make the fanciest hot chocolate? The most Christmas decorations out of the recycling? Who’s performing at the Holiday Talent Show? Who can decorate the best gingerbread person? Whose holiday tiktok can get the most views? Who can make the most creative window sign? People love to compete and this will bring out their feisty holiday spirit!
3) Go on a Christmas Scavenger Hunt!
You can do a hunt for physical items: perhaps items to make a homemade wreath, garland, or outdoor bird feeder. You could also do a virtual scavenger hunt where people use their phone or ipad to take photos of certain things where they are. If you are separated by households, each household gets the same list and see how the lists are interpreted differently! Each person must present them via ZOOM during the family get together. You might also consider going on a drive and creating BINGO cards that have specific Christmas light arrangements!
4) Focus on the good
We all know that gratitude is good for us, but in times of crisis and despair it is even more important to stay focused on what is going well. For the first time in many year, a lot of families will actually get to be home with their kids from the start of December until the end of the month and while it might feel chaotic or hellish at times, overall, I would assume you wouldn’t trade those moments for anything. I mean, so often I hear my sister say things like “They grow up so quickly” and “I wish they would stop growing” and I know a lot of my clients say things like “I wish I had more time” - well, this is your opportunity to cherish this time with them. Bake, play in the snow, decorate, create, play board games, teach your children how to make the best out of a different situation. Shit, make everyone write out a list of the good that came out of this year! It’s important in times of stress that we shift our focus to the good - this skill builds resilience, so the next time you face a struggle, it will be easier to get through it.
5. Start an advent of daily projects
As mentioned above, for the first time in a long time many people are going to be home with themselves, partners, families, etc. from the beginning of December until Christmas - why not come up with a list of 25 different things you can do each day. Like a project advent (feel free to reward yourself with a chocolate advent…). Here are just a few things:
-read to each other
-make snowflakes
-go for a walk outside
-donate to favorite charity
-watch a hallmark movie
-find a random recipe on pinterest for a holiday dish and give it a go
-write a letter to someone in your family and give it to them on christmas
-draw your favorite memory from 2020
-do something for someone else in the family that they would appreciate
-decorate cookies
If you have kids, you can have them alternate days and direct what happens for the daily project. They must present it in the morning to the family.
