Everyone is talking about our “new normal” now and while I think that’s a bit of an oxymoron (something can’t be both new and normal….) it’s also not a thing. Nothing is permanent and therefore there is no “state” of normal. There is “comfortable” and the PROBLEM with comfort is that we can only see negative when we become UNcomfortable.
For me, taking chances is nothing new. I have always said I jump off the cliff and grow my wings down (but fret not, I don’t jump off of any literal cliffs…that’s just dangerous). But as I’ve gotten older and maybe more well known in the photography industry I recognized that my jump had turned into more of a state of hesitation and maybe a tiptoe to the edge before backing away….because it got uncomfortable. I was more fearful to take risks. I was less likely to try a new editing style, attempt new poses, or just get weird with my clients. Suddenly, all my work started to look the same and while it was new to my client, it was a structure, a system, and, well, a normal and comfortable way of doing things. It was efficient. But that doesn’t mean it was good for me.
But anytime my soul would cry out for me to just try a different color toning on an image or challenge my client to pose in a way that might be seen as “weird” or odd, I would that voice up and tell myself stories like: “Nobody wants that. Everyone wants consistency. Everyone wants normal and predictable.” And it became true. Clients present and future, liked what I was providing. I was giving top notch service with consistent imagery. But after having a depressive year (my highest paid though…) I had to counterbalance that WORK with creative play to just appease my soul and I realized I had gotten TOO comfortable. The worst part was, I never gave my clients the chance to like anything different and I created this self fulfilling prophecy that all they wanted was consistently pretty photos - and I found myself back where I was when I FIRST started boudoir and was creating work that didn’t resonate with me. It was good, consistent work - but it was comfortable.
This pandemic has given me time to realize that nothing is permanent and everything can change in an instant and while at first that may sound like a daunting thing - that’s only because that’s how that thought is positioned to us: when people die, we say “life can change in an instant”, when there’s an earthquake and someone loses their house in a sinkhole, we say “how quickly life can change!”
BUT
What if we take back the power in that statement:
“I can do X, Y, Z because nothing is permanent.”
“I will take a chance on X, Y, and Z because I can always change course!”
We are currently uncomfortable, but we are adapting and moving forth - because nothing is permanent. So many people talk about “how it used to be” or “at the end of this” - but those are 2 destinations that don’t exist because there is no “new normal” there is “we have adapted to a new way of living and it is becoming more comfortable" (which is why people are more likely to defy the orders…it doesn’t feel threatening or terrifying because we have had 2 months to get comfortable with what started as uncomfortable). The unknown is the thing that holds people back and scares them the most, but just like anything we take it one day at a time a move on.
Change can be scary, uncomfortable and sometimes nausea producing - but it can also bring up feelings of newness, excitement, and possibilities - it’s just how you decide to look at it.
The reason why I wanted to talk about this with you is because you might be like me.
You might be someone who has tied themselves so closely to an identity that you have become comfortable, even though you know it isn’t serving you anymore. At one time, that identity was full of newness, excitement and possibility, and as time went on it became comfortable and consistent. And what a joy to have something you love become so closely entwined with you that you become comfortable. But you may also be having desires and inklings pulling at you from different identities or paths, some of which you’ve been able to shoo away for now with thoughts like “well, what would people say?” and “Oh, god I couldn’t do that because X, Y, Z". But now we are in current of continuous change, chaos, and uncertainty so maybe those desires and inklings have resurfaced….or at least the feelings surrounding them do.
Here’s 2 activities to get you to decide if you should or should not make a change. Ready????
1) Close your eyes (after reading this) and imagine a year has passed. Who/what you identify as hasn’t changed one bit. Does this make you excited or a little disheartened? Don’t overthink it, just feel the feelings.
2) If you weren’t able to take photos (speaking to photographers here…insert job/identity you relate to), what other things would you do instead? How would you carry out your mission/purpose?
In my experience, photographers and creatives tie themselves whole heartedly to the title of photographer that it can become TOO comfortable. By constantly saying I am a photographer, I am a photographer, etc. it limits us to only being able to take photos - but in all honestly, WE DO SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST TAKE PHOTOS. Sure photos might be PART of what you do, but the other parts that are aching to come play ALSO deserve their time in the sun. AND if at this point in your life photography ISN’T something that brings you absolute joy or running a photography business isn’t bringing you absolute joy DESPITE YOU BEING SUCCESSFUL AT (or not!) IT’S OKAY TO STEP AWAY. You can take a small break. You can go on hiatus. You can try something else. You can pursue different interests. You can shift gears. You can walk away from it entirely or you can just do it for fun on the side.
I think it’s exceptionally hard for creatives to walk away from that identity because a)we were told SO long that it wasn’t a real job and we couldn’t make it work, so when we do our ego is in there full force and does NOT want to let it go for anything - even if it means sacrificing our happiness to avoid the uncomfortability that people might talk shit about us (but as Mrs. Tabitha Brown says “what people say about you is their business” And b) (if you are like me) you might feel that it will solidify the opinion that you are “flakey” and “can’t do just one thing.”
Many creatives are similar to myself in that we get distracted easily and while our craft might stay the same, comfortability makes us actually depressed. BUT. We get teased or even punished for “jumping ship” or “not following through” or “sticking it out” and this creates a neural pathway that soon tells us that CHANGE IS BAD. But honestly, it is what we need to survive. If you resonate with this, just know I SEE YOU. Also know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! We are the spice of life! Always shaking shit up, trying stuff, learning, growing, and never stopping for a second. For a long time I was called Teri 2 Years, because I would only stick with boyfriends and jobs for 2 years - but after a long time telling myself it was a bad thing (because that’s how they meant it), I realized that it was a GREAT THING!! I would allow myself a honeymoon period of 1 year where I would get to blissfully enjoy the thing I was doing (haha pun intended), but then the 2nd year would be the year I would evaluate “Do I want to do this for the rest of my life?” And if the answer was no, I would move on! I had to go after what I thought I wanted only to realize that it wasn’t what I needed and I definitely wasn’t going to settle. Or realize that it WAS what I needed at the time, but once it was no longer providing me the life joy that I desired, I would try something else.
All of this to say, NOTHING IS PERMANENT. So take a chance. Get uncomfortable. Feel free to be afraid of what “they” might say, but do the thing anyways! I’m not saying y’all should get out there and quit your photography professions, but I am also saying don’t let the fear of change stop you from getting joy out of your life! You deserve everything you desire. So, be “flaky”. Be “risky”. Be “adventurous”. You can always go back to what you were doing before, but chances are if you are following your heart, gut and soul, you probably won’t even think twice (but if you do, that’s okay too!! Sometimes you don’t know what you have until it’s gone - but give it more than 6 months!!!! THIS INCLUDES RELATIONSHIPS!!!)
