My mentor once said “It’s not are you going to do Photoshop, but rather how much Photoshop are you going to do?” and it really struck a chord with me. For the last 5 years I have enjoyed bringing the art of boudoir/intimate portrait photography to the babes of Winnipeg and surrounding areas. In learning my craft and providing an amazing experience, I quickly realized my mentor was correct. When it came to boudoir photography it seemed as though there was an unspoken expectation that one must learn how to smooth, edit, and streamline the subjects in order for the images to be “good”. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the work I created for the last 5 years because it helped me to bring Boudoir 2.0 to the scene. Boudoir 2.0, in my eyes, allowed women who never thought they were capable of being photographed to have their story documented - finally plus size women, women with disabilities, older women, trans women,etc. were able to celebrate their bad ass selves without apology! In addition to that, the focus of boudoir shifted from the primary purpose being as a gift for a partner, to a gift for the self.
But like everything else in my life, I am all about challenging my own beliefs and biases and as I’ve helped women on their path to self acceptance, body confidence, and celebration, I’ve done the same with myself. There has been a wee bit of a disconnect this last year between the work I was creating and the work that I was doing internally. I realized recently that I have been contributing to the very thing I am fighting against. I started analyzing the posing, editing, and lighting techniques that I apply in my sessions and started simply asking the question “Why do I do that?” Just like any belief systems that we are taught when we know nothing, it will become our default mindset unless we challenge it by simply verifying the intent of the behavior, thought, or action.
I used to question how I could call myself a body image activist in one breath and then edit pores out of women’s faces without a second thought. I very quickly justified the Photoshop work with the fact that it did give my clients a bit of a “safety net” in that, if their whole life they had taught themselves that they hated the way they looked in photos, a little bit of Photoshop would give them a bit of extra confidence to at least step in front of my camera. It was a fantastic place to start working with them on body image and empowerment stuff. Also at the time that I started boudoir there was rarely anyone photographing marginalized bodies in my city (and the industry as a whole!) so I wanted to give women like me the opportunity to know what it felt like to look like a glossy model in a magazine. For where I was in my journey, Photoshop did me well. I never nipped and tucked with the tool, but I certainly glossed.
I noticed at the end of 2018, probably my busiest year to date (also the year I experienced burnout) that I had spent so much time removing “flaws” and “insecurities” that that is all that I saw. When I looked at photos of me, my eyes went to problems I didn’t know I had until I was told to remove them on someone else. I relate this to the time I worked for Great West Life doing dental benefits and after talking to approximately 20-30 people in a day, 5 days a week I started thinking that I had all of these issues with my teeth that weren’t even there. When we focus and spend so much time talking about, thinking about, and reinforcing certain stories, ideas, and most particularly FEARS, that is exactly what we see. Our brain is a fickle bitch, always looking for the negativity, so if we are constantly focusing on it, we are just doubling down on the thing that gets in our way to begin with!
It was after that year that I actually did a project called TEXTURES, to enhance the texture in people’s skin to remind myself that it’s okay to have pores, scars, wrinkles, bumps, beauty marks, moles, dry skin, etc. In fact it’s fucking normal. Since the rise of social media, however, and the prevalence of skin editing apps that allow young girls to look like the celebrities and peers they aspire to be like, studies are showing lower body image satisfaction. While the developing brain plays a part in that, many of us adults are equally as affected. Looking at smoothed photos where your eyes are enlarged your brain will start to create a “representation” of you. Think of your brain like the Terminator - it locks onto a subject, scans it up and down to determine what it is - your brain does this for people you meet, yourself, etc. This is why when your friend gets their hair cut or looks different, you can recognize it - your brain alerts you that something is different and so you say something about it. This happens because there is a shift in the usual representation of how you see that person. Now, those representations are neutral until we assign feelings to them and because we like to work in polarity, that associations will usually be good or bad. When most of the messaging we receive as women is that your skin should always be youthful, your under eye bags are terrible, your body is too big, your lips are too thin, your pores are too noticeable, etc. - essentially that our natural selves are BAD, it’s no surprise that we prefer an edited version of ourselves to the NATURAL REALITY. So our brain makes what I call CREATED REALITY and therefore when we look in the mirror and our brain does the little scan to say “THIS IS ME” - there will be a disconnect because the NATURAL REALITY is different from the CREATED REALITY and the NATURAL REALITY is comprised of all the messages from our parents, to our peers, to the media around us tell us is BAD. You can see how this can cause anxiety, body dissatisfaction, and depression.
Photoshopping women is no different than using Facetune or filter on Instagram. While yes, we are able to make it look less obvious, that almost makes it more dangerous. It can look almost too real and therefore our brain has a really hard time distinguishing between the CREATED and NATURAL REALITY.
Now, I understand that everyone is at a different place in their body image journey, and therefore not everyone is at a place where they are ready to see themselves fully and that’s totally okay. I also know, however, that in order for me to fulfill my original mission of empowering as many people as possible, I need to challenge us further. 5 years in and having photographed pretty much every body type that exists out there I think we can agree all bodies are worthy of being documented (yes, even yours!!) - the next step is taking people to the next level of empowerment - truly being seen: Understanding that flaws don’t exist - they were created by someone. Shifting the belief that we are “imperfectly perfect” or whatever trendy saying there is right now to “We just are.” Realizing that our bodies are in a constant stage of change and that at every point it is worthy of documentation because it is part of your life story.
This is why Photoshop no longer has a place in my studio. This studio is a place where I will foster Boudoir 3.0 - the acceptance and celebration of natural humans in a fun spirited, non-judgemental way. At the end of the day, whether I remove your skin texture, your belly, or your double chin, those things were with you during the process. Those things were there when you did something that pushed you out of your comfort zone, they helped you feel the satin sheets on your skin, and they folded over graciously so you could let forth a ringing laugh because you felt joy and exuberance in your epic body. Now if THAT doesn’t sounds like empowerment, I don’t know what does.
