My Tum Is Worthy Of Touch ~ Body Image

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When I was in mexico I had a massage and during this massage I had an intriguing experience. I'm pretty sure my massage therapist was some sort of healer because I had a bunch of interesting insights and feels during the entire process. The one that affected me the most, however, was when she massaged my tum. I haven't had a tum massage before, but essentially it was just her rubbing her hands over my squishy belly. I don't know if it was the pent up emotions from @bodyimagebootcamp or something else, but as she touched my tum i started to cry. I realized, as her hands moved over my rolls and flesh that I hadn't let anyone touch my tum for a very long time (aside from myself). I thought how uncomfortable it was and my 1st instinct was to push her hands aside, but I gave in to it instead and let the tears move. I thought about how many times my husband would go to caress my chubby bits and I would force his hand away...particularly in the last 3 years since my body has gained a significant amount of weight. While I may have gotten comfortable with my OWN love for my tum, I guess I still didn't think anyone else could. This is how fatphobia works. We all have it. Even those of us that work hard to erase it, it still manifests in tiny ways that make us believe that "if only I was smaller, I would be more loveable." But that isn't true. My husband has been trying to love all of me, but I just pushed him away. So going forward, I'm more aware of my rejection motions and since coming home it has become homework for me to let him touch my squishy tum daily. It's uncomfortable right now, but just like how I became comfortable with myself touching my belly, I know this will become comfortable AND improve our physical touch relationship. So, thank you to the magical witch masseuse for helping heal this part of me 🥰 and fuck you to a society that taught me my squishy belly isn't worthy of touch.

A post shared by teri hofford (@terihofford) on Oct 22, 2019 at 4:35am PDT