When Miss S popped into our Winnipeg studio she was a wee bit nervous, but definitely ready to “do the damn thing.” This babe had had to move her session due to health issues previously, so we were pleased to find a day to get it done and I think it came at a good time in her life. Despite the nerves, this babe smiled and did everything without hesitation. SHE KILLED IT. Her reveal brought me to tears when she said “I don’t think I’m lost anymore.” UGH. MY HEART. Press play on the music and then read about her experience in HER words!
I have wanted to do something like this for years...much before I even had children. But I’m certain the reasons I wanted to do it before children weren’t really for me. I wanted to do it then to please a guy, to show them that I was something different then what they would judge me as. I always felt I had to prove that to a guy. Relationships were tricky for me as men always judged me on my appearance and my size...I always had the pretty face, I have heard that 100 times over. I was always good enough for a short time but never really a long time. But I put up with it. I didn’t think to change how I viewed myself or how I stood up for myself. I was always told I would make the perfect wife 'if' I were a bit tinier, if I had smaller feet, if I wasn’t so tall….all these if's. It doesnt do much to a person’s self esteem when this is all you hear.
I was always the big friend in my group. It sucked. So fast forward I ended up having two beautiful children, a boy first then a girl. I raised them on my own from day one. No involvement at all from the other party. I made that choice that I could do this and i would fight hard for my kids and give them the life they deserved. They didn’t deserve the emotional, mental abuse that I endured with that person. Almost 17 years later I can say that my children are strong, so loved and have grown up knowing they are loved and never being without. It was not easy. I cried myself to sleep so many nights not sure I could do this. But I fought hard. I always fought so hard for my kids. I never put up with anyone belittling them, bullying them or making them feel lesser than in hopes that my children would learn that its ok to stick up and fight for yourself and to be your own hero. So one day something switched in me...if I could fight this hard for my children why am I not seeing all the good and beauty in myself?
In the last couple years I did meet and marry my person. he completes me and loves every part of me as I am and loves me inside and out. However, in our time together and our marriage of just over 2 years I have had nothing my health complications. The strains that health puts on everyday life, a marriage, work and raising children is relentless. I have had to push forward on days where I didn’t think i could make it. I have been exhausted from illness and worn from so many doctor visits only telling me that I worry to much, its all in your head, you need to exercise more, its the weight you’re carrying. Hearing these things from professionals who are supposed to help you or at least guide you a bit in finding the source of the problem is so very discouraging and makes you feel worse. I felt depressed, I started to feel anxiety something I never really dealt with before. I started to withdraw from friendships because I didnt like to see everyone else so happy. I felt like such a negative. I could see the worry in my kids faces daily about me. They dont know what is wrong, why I cant do things with them, why I cant take them places. I cant go out with my husband, I cant do anything but lie in bed and want to sleep.
But this is not the life I want. I want my kids to see me as a strong woman, one who fought hard not only for them but for myself to. I want them to remember me as a healthy, happy role model and for them to know that if I can kick ass so can they. So I read the books and started to change my mentality about how I seen myself. I started to not give a f*&k about what I wore and decided I was going to wear what I loved and what my body felt was comfortable. I also decided I was going to do these photos to have these pictures to remember that time that I kicked ass and that I felt powerful. And I did them.
When i went to my reveal and Teri showed me my pictures on the big screen with the music I cried, I cried instantly. I was seeing such a beautiful woman who has been through so much. I saw her happy, I saw her smile, I saw the person that I had lost, I saw the woman that my children would admire, I saw the person that my husband fell in love with and I saw the woman that I now also loved. I found her...and I’m never going to let her go.
Since doing these photos a week after my reveal I was rushed in for emergency surgery. I had to fight with three doctors to prove how much pain I was in, that something was wrong, that I needed to be heard. I was finally heard. I wasn’t afraid to stand up for myself to all these people. I know my body, I know what it can do, and i knew it needed help not a diet plan or exercise. So as I recover I am thankful to all the people I met over the last week who listened to my story and didn’t tell me a quick fix, but actually listened and are helping me heal so I can be that kick ass, hot beautiful wife and well hot mama in those stunning photos that Teri took and brought me back to life! How do you thank someone for doing that?
When you walk into Teri's studio you have to leave your inhibtions behind otherwise its not going to work. You have to want to open up, you have to want the experience, you have to want to feel yourself, and love yourself. We all have those parts of us that are not are favorites but they do not define who we are as a person. The causualness of Teri and her knowledge made me feel relaxed and at ease i trusted her. I didnt question anything about what she was doing I just went with it. And the end result was magical I cannot wait to do this again and I surely hope it is sooner than later! There is never a right time. 50 pounds lighter, 20 pounds heavier, my next paycheque, next year. There will always be an excuse not to. Make a reason to do it. Make yourself a priority. Do it for you, not for someone else, not to impress a guy, do it for you. Trust me in saying I will admire these photos in which I am at my heaviest weight that I have ever been...but I see so much more in those pictures than a number on a scale. I see someone who is happy not someone who is searching anymore.
