Towards the end of last week I was feeling snippy, I had less tolerance for people online and definitely for the people closest to me, I was forgetting things, I was getting overwhelmed and that’s when I saw the signs - I needed to breathe. I needed to step away to somewhere new where I could re-center - so I headed off to my mom’s cabin in Lac Du Bonnet.
The last month was a trying time to say the least: Covid, Black Lives Matter, the implosion of the boudoir industry’s biggest community (for which I played a part in the dismantling…), rebuilding a community to fill the vacuum of our industry, managing the rescheduling of clients, leading my everyBODIES education crew and doing my best to lead by example and encourage “high vibration thinking and behavior” during the chaos, putting out fires online and of course, managing my close, personal relationships. One of my strengths is the power to persevere and not only push forward, but also lead the charge to bring people with me - one of my weaknesses, however, is that I forget that that is not a sustainable way of existing and that is what brought me to this past weekend. I knew I had nothing left to give. I was all talked out. I had no more thoughts. I needed to lead myself. I needed to rest. I needed to fill up my cup with reading and napping. I needed water, sun, nature, and trees.
I needed to just breathe.
To be an entrepreneur is a great blessing, but like anything else it comes with it’s detriments and one of those is that the same skill set that makes me good as a business owner/passion pursuer is the same skill set that will be the downfall of me as a human. Working hard is a fantastic skill to have, but when it starts to impact your health - mentally and physically - it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate the return on investment. One of the biggest myths about entrepreneurship is that you will reach a destination. There is no “end game”. There is only “the game.” And in order to play “the game” you need to build a sustainable strategy (one that includes preventative measures like taking time away from the internet and the grind!) if you want to live this kinda life forever (or at least for a long while.) If we keep running the marathon as though it is a sprint, we are going to end up injured, exhausted, and losing all desire for why we started in the first place.
Now, I am the type of person that needs to be strict on the self care routine, because I KNOW no one else is going to do it for me. No one is going to come and pull me away from my desk for my mandatory 2 15 minute breaks and 1 hour lunch. No one is going to tell me to “go home” and come back with fresh eyes in the morning - because even when I do go home, my brain is still constantly thinking about work. (This is why it is important to love what you do - because you are going to be thinking about it ALL. THE. TIME.) So, when my hips start to get stiff - I need to notice it and address it - but I don’t. When my mouth is parched and I start to feel fatigued - I need to grab another bottle of water - but I don’t, because “just one more picture” happens many times over. The hard thing is while I KNOW I need to be strict on it, it still falls to the wayside - but this year is different (partially thanks to Covid!)
Once I was forced away from my traditional way of working feverishly I was able to clearly see what life I had been living. In fact, I asked my husband “Like, did you ever see me??” when I realized I spent almost every day at the studio and when I wasn’t at the studio I was traveling. I never rested. I rarely took “time off”. And while the benefits of this hard work were an improved bank account, a long list of clients and accolades for getting so much done in a 24 hour period, I most certainly never stopped to breathe on the regular. And it shows.
It shows in my body - stiffness resides in most of my joints and while I do not mind it, the weight gain has been noticeable over the last year. (It’s important for me to note that while many of you may think the weight gain is the result of me being “unhealthy” from an exercise or eating standpoint - it actually has more to do with an increase in stress and the fact that I am pretty sure my cortisol levels have been on a constant high for the last 3 years. Stress causes many of the same conditions that people think weight causes.). It shows in my finances - when you grow your business, you think you get to a place where you start making more money and while this is true, you also usually start to spend more money because you are growing. It shows in my emotional capacity - I cry easier, I sleep less soundly, my tolerance is lower (particularly for those I love), and I have less energy to hold space for those who need it.
When I look at the toll that running a business in sprint mode has had on my body, it’s hard for me to say that it was “worth it”. I am thankful that I not only have patient family and friends, but that nothing drastic happened that caused me to have regrets about not spending time with them.
Seeing all of this from the outside, I could see that it was no way to continue LIVING - it is a way to continue WORKING, but not LIVING and I want to LIVE.
So, when I noticed the old familiar “symptoms” of overwork and overwhelm starting to creep up I knew if anything was to change, I needed to pay attention before it got too far. Just like when you feel a cold coming on you guzzle the orange juice, chow down on some vitamins, up your water intake, and try to head it off at the pass, I knew I needed to do the same thing with my mental health. When I was in my positive psychology class we learned about this Figure 8 method to determine when you are in a period of overwork/action or in a period of too much complacency and to pay attention to the signs before it becomes a problem. Previously, if I felt overwhelmed and like something was wrong, I thought it meant I needed to work harder, faster, and just pile it on (hence why I burnt out in 2018). Instead, at the first sign of overwork, I need to kick myself into a period of no-action so I can replenish, refresh and then be ready to get back to action. THIS is exactly what my weekend provided.
So why am I telling you this? Because I want you to notice this in yourself (even if you aren’t an entrepreneur.) I want you to learn to pay attention to the signs and symptoms that tell you that you are in a period of overwork or a period of complacency (can also lead to stress). I have created a little e-book you can download for free that will give you the steps to take to figure out what stress looks like to you so you can see it creeping up on you and so you will know when it’s time to take a break (or move into action!). If you have a place to go where you can kick yourself off the internet and just be by yourself, immerse yourself in nature, or have a safe place to yourself to nap and recuperate, your body, self, and business will thank you immensely for it. I intend to continually hone my self awareness of my symptoms and I urge you to do the same, until your “breaks” are just as scheduled as everything else in your life and it is non-negotiable.
