When Miss M came in for her first shoot, about 2 years ago, she probably never imagined that she would end up in a magazine nor did she think she would be asked to model for my posing tutorial video. Well, every time I presented her with an opportunity she never said no and that's how beautiful Miss M became one of my Boudy Muses. Now, for those of you that aren't sure what a Boudy Muse is, it is someone that I have an easy time photographing without giving much direction and there is a certain "chemistry" as odd as that sounds that allows us to just "click!" The very first time I shot Miss M I felt it and knew I needed her to come back in for some new stuff! This babe brings it every time and is always incredibly professional on set! The best part about these opportunities, however, is that SHE had to do something uncomfortable. SHE had to book her own boudoir session first, she had to invest in herself first, and she had to take a chance on something that was incredibly scary for her...but NOW LOOK!! She has graced the pages of the national Fabuplus magazine and is now inspiring to so many women, photographers and other clients alike! It pays to take a chance on yourself every now and then.
She Was Wrong ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
Miss J submitted an amazing story to become a Glambassador and after I had the girls in my studio, there may have been some tears as she shared her past with us. This beautiful, brave, strong girl had a story so much like myself and I knew I had made the right decision in asking her to go through this experience. I am going to let her share her story with you because, well, she tells it much better than I ever could.
I remember sitting in the desks at school, and feeling my wide thighs leak over the sides of the chair. I remember being hunched over, grasping my belly into my hands, so mad at myself for being this way. Comparing myself to other girls was something I did every day, and every day I always came up short. I always wondered what I did wrong, why me… why did I have to be overweight. Why not her, or her? I was called fat and lazy and ugly so many times that those words didn’t even register after a while. I remember hating myself.
Throughout the years, I was bullied by everyone, but perhaps in a less direct, more subtle and more painful way. I would hear hollow statements from condescending sympathizers like, “oh, it’s what is on the inside that counts” or “but your face is so pretty” or “maybe if you lost like twenty pounds…” At the time, these comments made me angry, but I directed it towards myself, not others.
I hated being naked. I played sports and was quite active, which meant I had to change in front of others. I remember strategically planning my underwear and bra, to show as little as possible, arriving early to change, and being ashamed if anyone saw my belly. By now, there were bright red stretch marks everywhere. I avoided mirrors and especially pictures. I was good in sports, often considered one of the best defensemen on my Ringette team. I would have moments of excitement and pride, when I was able to stop goals or clear the zone. But that feeling never left. Sometimes I forgot about it, sure enough though, it would rear it’s ugly voice, reminding me that I am not good enough. Too fat. Too big. Too gross. Disgusting.
Years later, my body issues exploded into something far more complicated than I could have imagined. Infertility. Married, and ready to start a family, again, I was left wondering why me… why did this happen to me? I was (and am) so incredibly lucky to have such a supportive husband, who stood beside me, and we walked along my journey of infertility together. Still, my hatred for my body only grew, and never would I think I would be involved in boudoir. I did not like being naked. I hated being in a bathing suit. I did not own one piece of lingerie. It did not change for me until I became a Mom of four children in need of a safe and loving home. My daughter looked up to me, and I never wanted to make her feel like I felt. Over the course of a year, and with the help of surgery, I lost over one hundred pounds. Although this helped me keep up with my kids, I still had the ugly voice in my head, telling me I was not good enough. With a lot of work and support, I began to value myself.
I hear these amazing rewards from my children, when they talk about sticking up for heavier children who are bullied, or seeing a picture of me from before my weight loss, telling me I was just as beautiful as I am now, or that I am the same great Mom I always have been. They probably have no idea how much that means to me.
So when I found myself e-mailing Teri, telling her why I want to be a Glambassador, I honestly never thought that I would be considered. When she chose me though, I knew I was ready. The night before my shoot, I bought my first piece of lingerie. When I arrived, I was predictably nervous and worried. I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to pose properly, or that my face would look awkward. Sometimes it is so amazing to be wrong.
Teri was incredibly warm and welcoming. She explained the poses so well, and was patient when I was struggling to get in the right pose. Teri also said that not every picture will turn out great, but I will not see any unless they are. That really helped me let loose and go for it. It wasn’t long into the shoot when I was fully naked, lying on a bed, having photographs taken, and feeling completely comfortable. More than comfortable, I felt empowered, happy, and worthy.
The following week, I went into her studio again to have my reveal session. Of course I was nervous, not knowing how the pictures would turn out. During my slideshow, two things happened. I could not believe the muscles in my body, and how I looked from a different point of view. I had never seen myself from these perspectives, it was incredible. The second thing that happened, was I noticed my stretch marks. I noticed their white, wiggly lines trace my belly, arms, and breasts. For the first time in my life, these lines were celebrated.
I did not feel ashamed. I loved myself more that day. I continue the battle that most women face, to love themselves and feel worthy. Teri definitely contributed to my self-worth in a fun, creative, and powerful way.
Perhaps the best part, after I went through with Teri which photos were keepers, I got to share them with some of my close friends and my partner. It only gave me more reassurance and confidence to see their reactions, affirmations, and amazement. And just like that, the conversation changed from, “you have a pretty face” to “wow, you are beautiful” to “I am beautiful.” That last leap was in part because of Teri, and her remarkable ability to take women of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, and insecurities and make them feel beautiful.
Miss J opened up big time for her session and she exuded such...confidence and strength in her photos, and it wasn't because of her body, but rather because of the self work that she has done over the past few years to truly start to love herself for WHO she is rather than WHAT she looks like.
If you are ready to celebrate yourself for who you are today and see yourself from a different perspective, then shoot me an email and let's start discovering together!
Natalya {San Francisco Travel Diaries} ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photographer
Natalya was one of the babes at the Stripped Down Retreat that is an incredible chameleon. This little beauty is full of sugar and spice and can go from looking sweet and innocent to saucy af in a blink. I didn't have as much time to work with her, alas, because she was the model used for my one on one, but we still managed to grab some beautiful images. Her features brought to mind a sort of dame from the 20s who gave no fucks about the men she left behind...or at least that was the story I created for her. Without further adieu, here's Natalya.
She Became Proud Of the Woman She Was ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photographer
Oh, beautiful Miss T! This lady's soul is just as beautiful as her sparkling, ocean-blue eyes! This has been her third experience in front of my lens and every time we shoot, I feel that we uncover another layer of this babe, getting her one step closer to recognizing her awesomeness. You can check out her first shoot here, second shoot here, and now her current one below. Even more awesome than the images, is the dissection of her feelings towards every boudoir experience she has had, so take a read below:
I have been blessed to have had three shoots with you now, but each shoot has been so different – physically and emotionally.
The first shoot I booked after working with a Health Coach, particularly in regards to self confidence and self esteem. After our six months together, she recommended that I continue working on myself by going outside of my comfort zone (VERY outside of my comfort zone) and book a shoot with you. I did and was so extremely nervous that I didn’t sleep for two nights before the shoot. I did not tell my husband what I was doing, which made “sneaking around” even more stressful! We did the shoot, and in all of Teri's professionalism, she made me comfortable and relaxed. When I received my book, I was very happy with the pictures, but honestly a little embarrassed that I had done that.
The second time was initiated by Teri when she asked me to be part of her New Year's photo shoot. I was truly honoured to be a part of that, but was unbelievably nervous as I was meeting and working with other unbelievably gorgeous ladies that I had admired on Teri's website. They were all professional, knew what they were doing, and were about 20 years younger than me! While I was getting my hair and makeup done, I was thinking of excuses I could make to escape the photo shoot! It ended up being tons of fun, but I continually felt like the odd one out (nothing to do with Teri at all – definitely all in my head!).
So here comes the third shoot. This was spurred on by Teri's Leap Day special – completely a spur of the moment decision on my part. I told my husband what I was going to do and it was really special to have the two of us involved in the prep – what type of pictures, outfits, etc. I was really excited to move forward with this shoot and ended up having an awesome day in the studio. I felt comfortable and confident that day, mostly thanks to Teri. When I received the link to my gallery, I was nervous. I didn’t know if I wanted to see the pictures, let alone have my husband look at them. It took a couple of days for me to get up the nerve to tell him that I had them and asked him if he wanted to see them. We sat down together and opened the link. The first few shots I felt myself being critical – noticing the rolls here and the wrinkles there. I felt embarrassed to have my husband seeing this and questioned myself on why I did it. But as the slideshow continued, my mindset started to change and I began remembering the actual photo shoot day. I found myself telling bits and pieces of our shoot, little things I remembered or things that we said. As the conversation continued and the slideshow kept going, I felt myself overcome by the feelings that I had on the shoot day. Fun, laughter, confidence, self esteem…………it was almost a surreal moment, as I felt that I was reliving that day. As we continued through the pictures, I started picking out positive things on the pictures and feeling proud and confident that THAT WAS ME! After the first look through, I had to leave the room to take a moment, as I was feeling quite overwhelmed. My husband went through the pictures again and flagged his favourites. When I came back and looked through again, my favourites were almost identical to his. He suggested that we should frame some and put them up in our bedroom. Amazingly I agreed………my first album is hidden in a drawer in our room so this is a HUGE step for me.
So again, Ms. Teri – you have brought me to another level in my journey to self-esteem and confidence………and you have given me the journey in photos…………where I can look back when I am not in a good place and remember how you helped me to feel on that day………..and where I can look back when I am in a good place and be proud of the woman that I am!
I believe that the women I meet are never by accident and there is a reason they come into my life or I, into theirs. Miss T is no exception and now that we have been through so much soul searching together (and even joined her and her family for dinner!), I feel as though we are more than just client-photographer. Miss T, Jill and I are working on something super exciting for the Boudy Babes in 2017 so stay tuned for that! And remember, your first boudoir session is really just the beginning to peeling away those layers.
Both Sides of Her ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
It's not uncommon for me to receive a number of emails leading up to a client's shoot, but Miss J and I corresponded quite frequently. Her, voicing her concerns about how she saw herself, how others saw her, how seeing herself this way would make her feel, should she wait until she lost weight, etc. etc and me, calming her nerves and advised her that her fears shouldn't be strong enough to stop her from doing something epic for herself.
The day of the shoot came and Miss J. soothed her nerves with some Baileys in coffee (hey, it's the holidays!) while my makeup artist Nicole did her hair and makeup. It was during this time, that Miss J and I realized just how much we were alike and loved being within each other's energy fields!
So, Miss J's fears were mostly twofold. First, she advised me, almost everyone knew her as smiley, loud, and happy...but she knows herself deeper than that and within that smiling shell, she houses a woman of strength, sexuality, and deep emotion. THIS was the Miss J she wanted me to capture. So, she took a chance on my Black Friday special (hence all the black and white images) and we made absolute magic in the studio that day. She entertained the parts of her that she had kept hidden from others and she gave me the go ahead to share that side of her with you. She let herself be vulnerable and within that space, we explored beauty in sadness, captured raw sexuality, and reintroduced this mother and wife to all aspects of her being.
There is nothing saying that you can't be all the things. Happy and smiling, while sexually charged and full of emotion. All of these adjectives only describe parts of a person, not their whole being and that is what I love about the challenge of my profession. I get to see ALL the parts of my boudy babes: physically & soulfully and while it's hard for someone women to confront those areas of themselves, it's almost a sense of relief when they realize there is no judgement and there is nothing wrong with being strong and powerful, but raw and emotional at the same time.
I wanted to start the year off with Miss J because I believe that she fully represents the women I see. She had every fear possible before coming to see me, yet she fought through the fear because she knew she needed to explore a side of her that doesn't get out as often as she might like. During her shoot she fully trusted me to do what I do best and let herself be guided by my direction. And after her shoot, when she finally saw the images, she fell in love with herself and all the parts she originally told me she was fearful of exposing. And, ladies and gents, THAT is why I do what I do.
"As a woman, I am many things. A mother, wife, friend, artist, business woman, daughter,...the list goes on. Endlessly. Also...I am extremely sexual. That usually raises a few eyebrows...and quite frankly...I love to raise eyebrows. But what an amazing thing! To be alive and embrace your sexuality without shame or fear of judgement. Teri was not only able to capture my dark, raw sensuality in a beautiful way...but the entire time I felt as though she was cheering me on, encouraging me to love my body with all its lumps and bumps, and channel my sexual ferocity and embrace that power I have as a woman! Own that shit!!! I look forward to shoots with her for decades to come!"~Miss J.~