AAAAH! I was so excited when my buddy Jessica Rae told me that we would be photographing the glorious Georjah Jaymes for our little shoot out at her studio! Georjah and I had messaged back and forth awhile ago when I was traveling to Vancouver, but it just never worked out, so I was pleased that this time around I would not only get to photograph this beauty, but also meet her in person. And let me tell you - she is one of the nicest, most brilliant humans on the planet - and I only spent half a day with her!! She's hilarious and an amazing professional in front of the camera! Needless to say, we made our way through a bunch of different looks and she nailed every single one!
She Avoided Looking At Herself In the Mirror ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
You have seen Ms. Raissa on my site and social media multiple times, but you have never seen her like this. Usually our shoots involve over the top makeup, clothes, hair, and crazy styling that it seems only this babe can pull off. But like so many of my model babes, she was incredibly nervous about doing a stripped down boudoir session and I have to admit, it was difficult for me to shoot her as a boudoir client because I know the crazy model-y shit she is capable of...but I also knew I had to show her that her stripped down self is incredibly beautiful and worthy of being photographed. I am going to let Raissa tell you more about her journey.
Awhile back I did something really scary. I did a boudoir shoot with Teri Hofford.
Now I know, I have done so many shoots with Teri before. Why would this be any different? Well, for one - every time we have shot together, I got to play a character that distanced myself a bit from who I am in the rawest of forms. No costumes or personas to hide behind. The only inspiration for this shoot - is myself. Going into the shoot I had a bit of a panic attack and an identity crisis. I felt that this shoot was going to be the hardest shoot I've ever done. I'm still not even sure who I am, but by being too scared to acknowledge myself and my body, I would never find out.
I took the leap. One thing Teri and I have talked about is how often I feel that my insecurities and my feelings are invalidated. I have a fairly petite frame, I know. It does not mean that I have more self confidence that anyone. Yet, I can feel ashamed of my insecurities because people will write them off. They don't see how deep those feelings run. I often avoid looking myself in the mirror.
Growing up I would have such bad anxiety that someone might be staring at me. Even during "Oh Canada" at the beginning of every day at school, I would get heart palpitations and have a gigantic lump in my throat. I have struggled with feeling beautiful for my entire life, and how skinny other people think I am, does not make that any less true.
I have felt fat. I have pinched my stomach to judge how comfortable I will feel that day. I have felt too skinny. I have felt simultaneously too fat and too skinny. I have wished that I had blue or green eyes, or prettier eyes. I have felt like a freak in a crowd. I have felt like I'm not good enough or pretty enough.
I have a tendency to put people, including those I don't know, on a pedestal above me. I can automatically see the good in someone else, find someone beautiful any shape and size, or admire them for a specific quality. When it comes to myself, I almost feel like my brain hits a wall. I just can't be that kind to myself.
The one thing I try to be mindful of, is that society teaches us to judge ourselves to keep us as loyal consumers, constantly trying to fill the void of "not enough". And the truth is, nothing you buy will ever fill that void.
Why do boudoir? Well for me, it NORMALIZED my body. Now that may not seem like much to some people, but for me it moved mountains. How often do you avoid looking at yourself in the mirror? How often do you feel ashamed, or when you feel confident, do you question whether you have the right to be?
I gained weight after an injury and a stressful, sad summer. And I thought to myself, "What better time for me to try this out than now? When I need it most. When it scares me most" You know what? Afterwards, life goes on. The world didn't end because I finally acknowledged my body. Everything was fine. And for me, that was a major realization. It moved mountains in my head. I can acknowledge my body more fully, because I know that it is not an "end all be all". There is more to life than feeling conventionally beautiful. It is important to find a way to loving yourself first and foremost.
Raissa and I talk about the different ends of the spectrum and again, the fact that someone who "fits the stereotypical ideal" and someone that is outside of that realm both hate their bodies probably means it's not about the body at all, right? I was so proud of her for doing this, for pushing herself outside her comfort zone and acknowledging her sense of self and what she is capable of. This babe is immensely brilliant, ridiculously kind, and a beautiful soul and hopefully, now, she will realize that the packaging is less important than the package itself. I love this girl so hard and she is always ready to fight for everyone else, I am happy to see her fight for herself.