Apparently it’s shocking when a “feminized” woman likes other women, I’m not allowed to have long hair or !? I was already well-aware my body was changing and was working very hard with my doctors trying to pinpoint my overly-fast metabolism and low-energy levels. I was put on a regiment of high calorie intake every 2 hours just so I wouldn’t faint! (Forget working out, I had zero energy!) With troubles in my relationships, everything just seemed to fall apart after I left the toxic work place. Isn’t it interesting how toxicity can be addictive? Because I sure felt my purpose in life dwindled completely after so much was taken away from me, and out of my control.I spent weeks lurking under my covers wondering if I’d ever feel confident again, as everyone looked at me as if I way laying on my death bed - I began to do the same. It’s hard to regain one’s self worth when your whole life you hear from one important figure,“WHAT IS THIS?”, grabbing my hips, “YOUR BODY HANGS OUT OF YOUR PANTS!”To that same person quoting,“OH MY GOODNESS, YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A SKELETON!” I couldn’t take the pain every time I looked in the mirror anymore, I feel as if though my aesthetics were the only way people offered help. I turned to social media to post sad things in hopes for guidance, and luckily for me; Teri got ahold of me.Like I said before, I was nervous as all hell to see these photos as it’s been over a year since I modeled, I have never been this thin in my life nor have I never not been able to recognize myself.I was nervous I wasn’t going to like what I saw, I was nervous for the feeling of disappointment my heart would carry if I stared into my own reflection and heard voices in the back of my mind ask if I was “OK”. BUT then I got the Dropbox. With sweaty palms and about two hours of convincing myself “fuck everyone else” over and over, I dove into the album. And ladies;It Was Glorious. That’s probably the first time I’ve taken pictures at this stage in my life (yes even selfies) and didn’t feel absolutely horrified to look at them! I even got a laugh out of a certain shot, because I’m so focused on my diameters I never even noticed the small beauty mark resting slightly above my knuckle on my middle finger. It’s like my SKIN is even saying “fuck everyone else”!As a model it’s my job to work with the team to create their masterpiece, and you can lose yourself (or your aesthetic) in those moments but I find it rewarding to make the vision a reality.Sometimes it’s crazy seeing yourself and being unrecognizable to your own reflection; but you end up learning new things to appreciate about your ever changing body, and it’s great to have this shoot and Teri to continue to burn that into our brains.I hope others are just as willing to see me as “Attieh who’s a wee bit thin right now” and not “Attieh is running to the bathroom to void the lunch she just ate”.If you haven’t already, link up with Teri. Even a few hours of her time can reopen your eyes.If you are interested in telling your story through powerful imagery and an empowering experience, send me an email!
You know how when your expecting a phone call with some “news” but you’re really unsure whether it’ll be “good” or “bad”?Well that’s exactly the kind of anxiety my stomach pitted into waiting for these photos...A quick tidbit - Teri and I have worked together for years and she’s ALWAYS made me beyond comfortable and ecstatic for the outcome. Being a part of her team gave me opportunities that I’d definitely shy away from without her previous support. I even began loving my birthday-suit over anything else I own, thanks to the #BoudyBabes!Anywhoo, back to before...For over a year I’ve been struggling towards the path of a healthy mentality. My previous job wore me down to feeling absolutely worthless, I began putting my boss’ needs above my own: all while being belittled for my efforts, ridiculed for having a mental illness, and mocked at my “lack of weight gain” (just to name a few).Even clients were starting to get super invasive and ask me things along the lines of “Oh my, you’re nothing! What does your doctor have to say??”(Guess what? My employer would just shrug it off.)So, young Attieh who’s already going through major changes in her life, (I finally came out to my family and the world in October!) is starting to feel the pressures of “looking healthy”.
We are so quick to tell our bodies how much we detest every roll, wrinkle, or "abnormality" but very rarely do we hug the softness, caress the bones, and whisper sweet nothings to our vessel, our one stable home. I headed out to the desert with a bunch of amazing boudoir photographers to celebrate our curves and bodies in all their glory and I managed to get one babe down to nothing. Miss Kristina of 
My mission as an empowerment photographer is to reunite women with their natural, goddess-like selves but my goal is to also increase the amount of diverse bodies we see online and in social media to make rolls, wrinkles, and "abnormalities" normalized because we are perfect the way we are. If we see bodies of all shapes and sizes in their natural state, we will look at our own and see the beauty that makes us original. This shoot inspired me to start a project this summer, photographing all bodies in the natural landscapes around us (I will wait until Spring for us Canadians!) and then create a beautiful coffee table book that is not only full of beautiful imagery, but also inspirational in all aspects: the women braving themselves and baring their bodies and souls, a showcase of a variety of bodies to show that there isn't ONE ideal, but rather we are all amazing in whatever form we take as long as we are good humans, and their stories about their journey to self love and authenticity!
If you want to join Kristina in this amazing project (I will be traveling to a few different places this year, so keep an eye out if I am coming to you!!) simply email me at: thpstudios@gmail.com with the subject: I AM A GODDESS
If you are not ready to get nudie in the neighbourhood, that is alright. I simply ask that you take some time to reacquaint yourself with your body. Instead of pinching and sighing in disgust at your softness or bits, simply caress it and decide that your bits are beautiful. As you do this over and over again, you will start to see yourself differently.
You know how we wish someone would tell us "I love you"? Well, your body wants the same. If you can't tell yourself that, how can you expect someone else to say it for you? Look at yourself in the mirror...open your eyes, take a deep breath, and start a relationship in loving yourself. You deserve it.“We all begin the process before we are ready, before we are strong enough, before we know enough; we begin a dialogue with thoughts and feelings that both tickle and thunder within us. We respond before we know how to speak the language, before we know all the answers, and before we know exactly to whom we are speaking.” ―