We are so quick to tell our bodies how much we detest every roll, wrinkle, or "abnormality" but very rarely do we hug the softness, caress the bones, and whisper sweet nothings to our vessel, our one stable home. I headed out to the desert with a bunch of amazing boudoir photographers to celebrate our curves and bodies in all their glory and I managed to get one babe down to nothing. Miss Kristina of Owl and Otter: Soul Artist stripped down to the beautiful outfit that is her body and became a goddess, reconnected to nature. With the full moon behind her, the salt flats laid out before her, and nothing but her strong, fearless body that helped her travel across the world to the point where we would meet, she OWNED everything that made her amazing.
My mission as an empowerment photographer is to reunite women with their natural, goddess-like selves but my goal is to also increase the amount of diverse bodies we see online and in social media to make rolls, wrinkles, and "abnormalities" normalized because we are perfect the way we are. If we see bodies of all shapes and sizes in their natural state, we will look at our own and see the beauty that makes us original. This shoot inspired me to start a project this summer, photographing all bodies in the natural landscapes around us (I will wait until Spring for us Canadians!) and then create a beautiful coffee table book that is not only full of beautiful imagery, but also inspirational in all aspects: the women braving themselves and baring their bodies and souls, a showcase of a variety of bodies to show that there isn't ONE ideal, but rather we are all amazing in whatever form we take as long as we are good humans, and their stories about their journey to self love and authenticity!
If you want to join Kristina in this amazing project (I will be traveling to a few different places this year, so keep an eye out if I am coming to you!!) simply email me at: thpstudios@gmail.com with the subject: I AM A GODDESS
If you are not ready to get nudie in the neighbourhood, that is alright. I simply ask that you take some time to reacquaint yourself with your body. Instead of pinching and sighing in disgust at your softness or bits, simply caress it and decide that your bits are beautiful. As you do this over and over again, you will start to see yourself differently.
You know how we wish someone would tell us "I love you"? Well, your body wants the same. If you can't tell yourself that, how can you expect someone else to say it for you? Look at yourself in the mirror...open your eyes, take a deep breath, and start a relationship in loving yourself. You deserve it.“We all begin the process before we are ready, before we are strong enough, before we know enough; we begin a dialogue with thoughts and feelings that both tickle and thunder within us. We respond before we know how to speak the language, before we know all the answers, and before we know exactly to whom we are speaking.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype
She Hated Her Photos { Vegas Diaries} ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
This is one post I have been dying to share with you. Miss S met up with me in Vegas and it was destiny! She told her man friend that she was going to be "doing makeup" for one of my boudoir clients (which she was...as she did her own makeup) and so he dropped her off at my suite at the MGM Grand. After he said goodbye, Miss S and I got to work. MAN! This girl could pose and work her face like nobody's business. I knew that she was no stranger to the stage, so that definitely helped her when it came to taking direction. In my mind, this was one of my best shoots to date. Everything was amazing. So, you can imagine my reaction when I received her testimonial telling me that she "hated her photos". What. The. Fuck. Where had I gone wrong? Could she not see what I did? Could she not see how amazing she did? How confident she looked, how she posed and how she rocked her shoot? Unfortunately, she could not. And this is the part where my heart broke into a thousand pieces. I always tell clients that a boudoir session is not the "quick fix" to repairing a negative body image, but it does help in getting there. It takes clients like Miss S to remind me that there is still so much work to be done. It mostly hurts my heart and my soul to hear these wonderful women disregard themselves and pick themselves apart when they are so much more than just those bits. Anyhow, I am going to let Miss S. take you on the journey of her feels for the rest of the blog post.
My photo shoot with Teri was an eye opening experience. I'd been talking myself into boudoir photos for ages and was hiding behind the "in 5 more lbs" and "when I'm more toned" mentality. When she posted that she was going to be in Vegas and it happened to coincide with when my husband and I were going to be there I took the Universe's hint and finally booked.
To be honest taking the actual photos was the easy part for me; I've spent most of my life in performance and so I actually found being directed and photographed pretty easy. Before I knew it we were done and I left feeling surprised with myself at how well I had done. As the days drew nearer to my reveal I started to get anxious.
The anxiety I'd expected to feel pre-shoot. It's one thing to have my picture taken and walk away, it's another to look at them. Finally the day came and my husband sat in awe as we looked through all my photos. We chose our package and left and I kept my opinion to myself but if we're being honest: I hated them.
Teri says to look at the photos as if it were a best friend but I just couldn't. Staring back at me was every blaring imperfection. Every bump, soft spot, pore, you name it. The photos didn't feel like me: I'm not sexy. At all. It was awkward for me but I didn't want to say anything. People always post about how empowered they feel after a reveal and it made me feel awful. I felt like I'd failed Teri. (She didn't btw)
Almost immediately after my reveal my cat got sick and the money we'd put aside for the album was used for her. So, very slowly (and without my husbands knowledge) I paid it off with the idea that I would give it to my hubby for his birthday. I felt disappointed in myself for not working harder before the shoot but a commitment is a commitment. I received the album 2ish weeks before the birthday and kept it at work so my husband wouldn't find it.
Everyday I took a second to flip through the album and challenged myself to find one or two photos I liked. By the time I gave it to my husband I was feeling the tiniest pang of excitement over them. At the very least, looking at them doesn't make me feel uncomfortable anymore.
I want to be clear about something: this is why we need Teri (and women like her). Her artistry is amazing, her eye is impeccable. She's not only a master of her craft but she's loving and supportive in a way I've never experienced. Me not liking my photos has absolutely zero to do with her and everything to do with how I see myself. While this photo shoot didn't change how I view my reflection in a massive way, every time I look through my album a crack shows up in that mirror.
I look forward to my next shoot with Teri (and I'm determined there will be a next time) so that over time I will be able to feel as beautiful and sexy as those photos make me seem. If you've every considered a boudy shoot do it. Message this gorgeous gal and just do it. It may not seem like it but that album was a life changing moment for me and while I may not be feeling like the bombshell she keeps telling me I am, I'm convinced that there will be a day when I sit down for a reveal and go "holy fuck, I look hot".Women like Miss S are why I do what I do and do it with such passion. I applaud her honesty and sharing her story because I want future clients to know that if they do not see themselves as they are in the photos, to tell me about it. I will not be upset. I am confident enough in my work to know that I created some awesome images, BUT it is important to me that we talk through feelings of self-doubt, insecurities, and body image issues. In addition to the photography, my studio is a safe place for us to discuss your body image and feels and if you don't feel like you match the images, that is something we definitely need to chat about because I want to help with the journey. After a variety of projects, I also realize that repetition and exposure to images makes people see themselves in a more positive way. A lot of times women have already made up their mind that they are going to hate their photos....BEFORE They even see them, so of course they are going to be uncomfortable with them. BUT my experience has proven that repeated viewing of the images makes individuals start to see themselves a bit more like the rest of the world does. The stop zeroing in on the "flaws" and start seeing the bigger picture. I wanted to share Miss S' story and testimonial because I think it is important for people to understand how boudoir does and doesn't help. While it is not the end all to be all in terms of body positivity (that requires constant practice), it is a fabulous place to start to, as Miss S put it, start "putting cracks in the mirror" of how you see yourself.
Desert Storm {Las Vegas Diaries} ~ International Boudoir Photography
{By now you should assume that all my posts will feature nips and bums, so if you are in a location where this is not allowed, feel free to exit!!)One of the perks to visiting Vegas, was actually leaving Vegas to experience the beauty of the desert. Being from the prairies I am no stranger to flat land, but there is something distinctly beautiful about this cactus-filled landscape. Despite me constantly tripping over the tiny little cactus bushes and scratching my legs like crazy, I was able to get some gorgeous shots of Miss M and Miss K (both exceptional boudoir photographers!!) in this barren backdrop. Shooting outside reminded me how much I missed the sun, the feel of heat and now I cannot wait until it warms up so I can get back outside with my babes! I love the connection between women and nature: both beautiful, unpredictable, and powerful. To capture both of these wild elements at the same time makes my heart soar. Anyhow, check out the first of the Desert sessions!
