You know that feeling when the sun breaks through the clouds, creating what can only be described as Heaven rays? Well, that's the perfect description of Miss B's entrance into the room. For our first meeting, the consultation, she burst through the door with a grin and jazzy personality that filled the room immediately. Her laugh, her amazing smile, and her....aura were all so incredibly infectious that I knew she NEEDED this. With an energy that powerful, one can feel it shift and when she began to tell me her story....a story of loss, heartache, and disappointment in this beautiful body of hers, the clouds came back together and tears rolled down her cheeks. The day of her session was a day filled with such an array of energy feels: anxious, fear, excitement, joy, nervousness...it was a cocktail of all the feelings...and the day started with more clouds, than sunlight. But she persevered, as the sun tends to do on the cloudiest of days. Suddenly, the beams were back, the grin spreading from cheek to cheek, the sass coming forth in every movement, and the goddess within bubbled forward, basking the entire studio in what can only be akin to the sun breaking over the horizon in the morning, casting it's glow on everything it touches. Miss B came alive right before my lens. I feel incredibly privileged to have gotten to know and experience Miss B and I can only imagine how grateful those who know her feel, when she casts her warmth and sunlight on them. Miss B wrote her own beautiful recount of her experience, in life and in her session because she knew it might be able to inspire just even ONE woman to feel differently....to feel empowered. Without further adieu, here she is:
I have always been a confident person, even when I had no right to be (hello 90’s? - Eek!). I’m not sure why but think it has to do with two things; I was the tallest, thickest girl in most of my classes growing up, so I accepted who I was early on and made no apologies for it. I was also lucky enough to have been raised by an incredible Mum and fabulous aunties who’d repeatedly tell me, “You can’t change the width of your shoulders or the size of your feet/You are beautiful inside and out - don’t be afraid to show the world who you are/Be fashionable, learn what flatters your body and walk tall/Size doesn’t determine worth.” This permission to be myself allowed me to flourish, to be kind, outgoing, intelligent, compassionate and confident.
On February 14, 2013 all of that changed. My husband and I were told that due to physician’s errors we’d never be able to have children. Utter devastation doesn’t even scratch the surface of how it affected us – me most of all. I am an only child and my husband is the only son with a partner. I placed the burden of carrying on both family lines directly on my shoulders and I felt I had failed myself, womankind, my husband, our parents and every antecedent that had ever lived. If I wasn’t going to be a Mum, what purpose did my life have? How could I face our families knowing I was such a disappointment? What did I have to live for? Through it all, my amazing husband would remind me, “I didn’t want to marry you so you would bear my children. I wanted to marry you because I knew I had to spend the rest of my life with you!” Coming from a very British upbringing where lips don’t quiver and you Carry On, I did my best to show a brave face to the rest of the world. We immediately started the process of adoption, went about our daily lives and fell apart in the privacy of our home.
Six months later my father died. The man who loved me unconditionally from the moment I took my first breath until the moment he took his last, was gone. Neither of us could do wrong in each other’s eyes and my decimation was complete. I totally gave up on life, on caring about myself and on hope. I felt worthless. I was reduced to nothing. I wailed and wallowed and grieved these deep losses for a long time. Through it all, my husband loved me, adored me, and reminded me that life was worth living. He still saw that spark of ME hidden under layers of sorrow that I thought was gone forever. Michael literally kept me alive.
Every Valentine’s Day for the last five years has been a shit show. We re-live that awful day in the doctor’s office and it casts a very dark shadow on what should be a wonderful celebration. This year I vowed to take the day back and made an appointment to see Teri. I was sick and tired of this sadness owning us and from now on, thanks to Teri, this date will be a celebration of us and of what we’ve survived together.
As I sat there during my reveal and saw these incredible images of myself, I was overcome with emotion. Yes! This is ME! While I watched my slideshow, tears streamed down my face, and with every blink I could see that Teri captured the Me I had lost, the Me my husband fell in love with and the Me the world used to know. I was shocked at how gorgeous I looked and yet felt a great swell of pride and confirmation as the hidden Me returned. When I started this process with Teri, I had convinced myself that this was going to be a gift for my husband and stand as a testament of our strength and love for each other. What I didn’t expect was that I fell in love with Me again.
Whether or not I become a mother, my life has meaning and purpose; to love those in my circle; to share my artistic gifts and bring joy to others; to be a light for everyone I meet and remind them that they have value. I accept what has been, live for what is and look forward to what will be.
This glorious babe has SO much love to give the world and I am so pleased that she stuck around to share some of her light with me. She also gave me the nickname Taco-Mama which I fucking love and am in the process of making a tshirt! Miss B, without a doubt, you are one of the most effervescent, brilliant women I have come to know and meet and I know you are going to move on, warming everyone with your beautiful light.
If you are interested in having your own self-love experience and uncovering that hidden light within, shoot me a message and let's have a chat!