Miss J submitted an amazing story to become a Glambassador and after I had the girls in my studio, there may have been some tears as she shared her past with us. This beautiful, brave, strong girl had a story so much like myself and I knew I had made the right decision in asking her to go through this experience. I am going to let her share her story with you because, well, she tells it much better than I ever could.
I remember sitting in the desks at school, and feeling my wide thighs leak over the sides of the chair. I remember being hunched over, grasping my belly into my hands, so mad at myself for being this way. Comparing myself to other girls was something I did every day, and every day I always came up short. I always wondered what I did wrong, why me… why did I have to be overweight. Why not her, or her? I was called fat and lazy and ugly so many times that those words didn’t even register after a while. I remember hating myself.
Throughout the years, I was bullied by everyone, but perhaps in a less direct, more subtle and more painful way. I would hear hollow statements from condescending sympathizers like, “oh, it’s what is on the inside that counts” or “but your face is so pretty” or “maybe if you lost like twenty pounds…” At the time, these comments made me angry, but I directed it towards myself, not others.
I hated being naked. I played sports and was quite active, which meant I had to change in front of others. I remember strategically planning my underwear and bra, to show as little as possible, arriving early to change, and being ashamed if anyone saw my belly. By now, there were bright red stretch marks everywhere. I avoided mirrors and especially pictures. I was good in sports, often considered one of the best defensemen on my Ringette team. I would have moments of excitement and pride, when I was able to stop goals or clear the zone. But that feeling never left. Sometimes I forgot about it, sure enough though, it would rear it’s ugly voice, reminding me that I am not good enough. Too fat. Too big. Too gross. Disgusting.
Years later, my body issues exploded into something far more complicated than I could have imagined. Infertility. Married, and ready to start a family, again, I was left wondering why me… why did this happen to me? I was (and am) so incredibly lucky to have such a supportive husband, who stood beside me, and we walked along my journey of infertility together. Still, my hatred for my body only grew, and never would I think I would be involved in boudoir. I did not like being naked. I hated being in a bathing suit. I did not own one piece of lingerie. It did not change for me until I became a Mom of four children in need of a safe and loving home. My daughter looked up to me, and I never wanted to make her feel like I felt. Over the course of a year, and with the help of surgery, I lost over one hundred pounds. Although this helped me keep up with my kids, I still had the ugly voice in my head, telling me I was not good enough. With a lot of work and support, I began to value myself.
I hear these amazing rewards from my children, when they talk about sticking up for heavier children who are bullied, or seeing a picture of me from before my weight loss, telling me I was just as beautiful as I am now, or that I am the same great Mom I always have been. They probably have no idea how much that means to me.
So when I found myself e-mailing Teri, telling her why I want to be a Glambassador, I honestly never thought that I would be considered. When she chose me though, I knew I was ready. The night before my shoot, I bought my first piece of lingerie. When I arrived, I was predictably nervous and worried. I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to pose properly, or that my face would look awkward. Sometimes it is so amazing to be wrong.
Teri was incredibly warm and welcoming. She explained the poses so well, and was patient when I was struggling to get in the right pose. Teri also said that not every picture will turn out great, but I will not see any unless they are. That really helped me let loose and go for it. It wasn’t long into the shoot when I was fully naked, lying on a bed, having photographs taken, and feeling completely comfortable. More than comfortable, I felt empowered, happy, and worthy.
The following week, I went into her studio again to have my reveal session. Of course I was nervous, not knowing how the pictures would turn out. During my slideshow, two things happened. I could not believe the muscles in my body, and how I looked from a different point of view. I had never seen myself from these perspectives, it was incredible. The second thing that happened, was I noticed my stretch marks. I noticed their white, wiggly lines trace my belly, arms, and breasts. For the first time in my life, these lines were celebrated.
I did not feel ashamed. I loved myself more that day. I continue the battle that most women face, to love themselves and feel worthy. Teri definitely contributed to my self-worth in a fun, creative, and powerful way.
Perhaps the best part, after I went through with Teri which photos were keepers, I got to share them with some of my close friends and my partner. It only gave me more reassurance and confidence to see their reactions, affirmations, and amazement. And just like that, the conversation changed from, “you have a pretty face” to “wow, you are beautiful” to “I am beautiful.” That last leap was in part because of Teri, and her remarkable ability to take women of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, and insecurities and make them feel beautiful.
Miss J opened up big time for her session and she exuded such...confidence and strength in her photos, and it wasn't because of her body, but rather because of the self work that she has done over the past few years to truly start to love herself for WHO she is rather than WHAT she looks like.
She Was Worried ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
You have seen this saucy minx countless times on my website by now....but probably never like this. You see, Miss S has known me now, for about 3 years give or take and since our first meeting where I apparently told her "you are already beautiful, bitch" she has become the THP Studios cheerleader. This babe had such an inner transformation since her first shoot, but we all know that self love and body image doesn't get overcome in one day or one photoshoot. So, when she came in for her Glambassador shoot she was expecting the usual hair and makeup we always do for her, but I knew she needed another little nudge (also I needed something different for photos of her). When she walked in I told her we would be doing natural makeup, sticking with pinks and nudes and you could see her panic start up a wee bit....then I broke the other news....we were going to go outside. Miss S had already been photographed in my studio like 4 times, so we needed to shake it up a bit. Well, once makeup was done, she had a hard time accepting her makeup (you will read about it during her part) because she had come to know herself as the red lipped-winged liner babe and we stripped that away. I told her we were on Empowerment Level 2. She graciously trusted me and of course, killed her session....because we all know that sexiness, sassiness, and sauciness is not just found in a lip color, the way we shadow our eyes or in our wardrobe...it is found in our actions, our voice, and our ability to love on the world. Miss S has so much love for the people in her life and literally will do anything for those close to her, she is a true champion of body positivity, and she loves lifting others up....and I needed her to see that those are the types of things that make her sexy and to not be afraid of seeing her natural lip color. Anyhow, I am so proud of this OG boudy babe and I am going to let her relate her story to you because it's important.
When I walked into the studio, it was a beautiful Friday afternoon and I was excited like I always am when I walk into Teri’s studio. So she looks at me and she has this look about her and she said today we are doing something completely different and I said oh are we going outside ? Her response was sure we can totally go outside but you are going natural and my heart plummeted to my stomach and I am sure the look on my face was pure terror.
What do you mean natural ? Like Natural make up no wing tips no red lips just a natural lip color and natural tones …oh and we are going to shoot in more natural tones for outfits. I wasn’t comfortable at all during makeup I think I questioned Nicole a 100 times on what she was doing.
So then we were shooting I was worried about my small lips , and worried about my skin abrasions I have on both legs , which I have asked every time Teri has shot me to try not to get them. We shot in the studio and I think Teri could sense that I wasn’t as comfortable as I have been in others. I was more comfortable without clothes on in front of her camera then I was without makeup.
Honest to goodness it sounds ridiculous but it was true. We decided to go outside , I was nervous butterflies were intense in my stomach I was going into the public in a trench coat and bra and panties at 3:30. This was liberating, it was crazy!!!
I was happy and had forgotten all about the fact that I was not “wearing my face “. Now fast forward a couple weeks and Ms Teri messages me and says do you want to see your pictures and I responded yes?? As I scrolled the 1st image I saw was my ass and the skin abrasions …she told me that you will see that I left in your spots…to which I replied “I noticed” and I cried. 
I still don’t know why I cried …I don’t know if I cried as a release because they are me and I have to love them or if I cried because I wasn’t ready to see the real me, the stomach rolls which I know I have been have never really allowed them to show, or the red dots which pain me greatly. I still don’t know why I cried. Teri reminded me I am beautiful not because of the stomach and the red dots but because of who I am even with the red dots and stomach rolls.
I reviewed the pictures 10 times in 30 minutes and I quickly scrolled past the pictures that show my stomach and I picked about all my flaws in each picture . Teri reminded me to look at my pictures like they are someone else and picture by picture I started to smile . I actually think the red dots are cute. This learning to love myself business is very hard but I am learning to accept ALL parts of me not just the ASSETS ( like really DAT ASS is for days) but also for my perfect imperfections … As she called it empowerment level 2 ….and from here it can only get better …as I learn and grow into the empowered confident woman I am becoming.
For me, it is important that EVENTUALLY women face the reality that is their body. As women we already compare ourselves to other people and the younger, smaller versions of ourselves and it's bullshit. Usually the first session I will take care to acknowledge your areas of insecurity and what not, but if you stick with me long enough (like Miss S!) Tough Love Teri is going to step in and we are going to work towards accepting all the bits that are unique to you. I don't want you comparing the body you see in the mirror to the body you see in one of the images I take of you and noticing a huge difference. I need you to SEE yourself, accept it (I'm not even asking for love, just acceptance) so you can start focusing on bigger and better things! (Like going outside and getting naked).
ARE YOU READY TO START YOUR JOURNEY TO SELF LOVE AND EMPOWERMENT? THEN SHOOT ME AN EMAIL AND LET'S DO THIS THING!!
She Didn't Want It To End ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
Meet Regan, one of our Glambassadors, chosen for her exciteable personality, care for others, and passion for empowering the women in her life. This babe's energy is so incredibly infectious and when she came to her shoot she came ready to kill it. I am sure there were some nerves there, of course, but she hid them pretty well and during her session we unleashed her babeliness. But I won't chat too long...I want you to hear how SHE felt during the experience!
"I really didn't believe I was good enough,pretty enough or thin enough,not tall enough to have a photographer believe that I was.
My experience with Teri was amazing. I come off confident but I was scared of what the outcome was going to be.
I am sooo comfortable taking pictures of myself but I've never had a female photographer take pictures of me before so I didn't know nor was prepared if there was going to be judging.
Right before our session I explained to Teri that I'm not very good at taking directions very well and there she was, Jedi mind fucking me lol. (meaning she was fine at taking my directions) Slowly as the camera started clicking I came to believe that I was at party and didn't want it to end. I so wanna party again!!
ARE YOU READY TO JOIN THE PARTY? IF SO, SEND ME AN EMAIL AND LET'S START CELEBRATING!
Kiana {curve model} ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photographer
Kiana is a gorgeous curve model who popped by the studio for a test shoot with myself. I fell in love with her via her instagram and knew we needed to do a session together, so we pulled together some metallic pieces for the shoot and got down to business. The babe brought the curves, but she also brought THE FACE. This girl can turn it on and off like you won't believe! Not only is she a fab model, but she is also a fierce makeup artist!
Liz { Florida Diaries} ~ International Boudoir Photographer
Miss Liz is probably one of my favorite people in the world. I have only seen her in person twice in my life, but each time it's like no time passed between. Another beauty brought to me courtesy of my colleague and friend Lindsay Rae Photography, Liz has been our curve model on 2 seperate occasions! The first was in Vegas, the first time I attended WPPI and played in the desert, the second time was just recently in Florida, where Lindsay and I hosted our Florida Curves Workshop, inspiring and educating photographers to improve the diversity in their boudoir portfolios! Just like in Vegas, Liz never disappointed. She got crazy with us, letting me put her in the pool, going skinny dipping with us in the ocean, and making us delicious dinners.
