Your body does not owe you beauty.
Your body's job is to literally keep you alive, allowing you to move throughout the world in whatever manner you choose. It's not meant to be flawless, it's not meant to stay in the same form it was when you were in your "prime" (whatever the fuck that means), you are not entitled to a body of societal beauty standards...because that is not your body's job.
Imagine yourself at work. Wherever that is for you: it could be at an office, playing with kids, on a construction site, taking care of the elderly, or being creative, whatever. Now, let's assume that you are amazing at the tasks laid out for you by said profession. You show up when you are asked, you diligently perform the tasks no matter how much crap your boss throws your way, you try to go above and beyond in every possible form for your job. Now, imagine while you are doing such an amazing and consistent job when your boss comes up to you every day and says "You are ugly. Why can't you look prettier? Why aren't you stronger? You are gross and jiggly. You are disgusting. I wish you would go away. I wish you were someone else."
I can imagine you wouldn't appreciate it. I mean, on top of all the other stuff you are doing your best at, now you have to look a certain way and you are constantly being critiqued every day?? That would suck immensely and, I would hope, many of us would quit.
Well, you should thank your lucky fucking stars that your body doesn't quit regardless of the terrible things you say and do to it.
It shows up every damn day to do it's best and work as hard as it can to keep you alive and breathing. It's trying incredibly hard to do the tasks laid out before it, but it's still not good enough? Come on.
Your body does not need to be reminded that it's not good enough, when in fact it must be good enough if you are reading this. I am not saying you have to be in love with your body, but you certainly have to be appreciative of the fact that it is literally the only reason you are alive in this very instant. Despite the constant hate, anger, frustration, pinching, poking, squeezing, lifting, sighing, and verbal & physical abuse, your body shows up every day to do it's job to the best of it's ability.
We talk a lot about telling yourself that your body is beautiful. But it doesn't have to be in order for it to be valuable. Why do we have to associate our appreciation for our body immediately with beauty? Maybe we need to take a step back and really think about why we have to deduce everything about ourselves to being "beautiful" as if once we recognize our beauty THEN we become valuable. Maybe we never recognize that we are "beautiful", does this make us less valuable?? Fuck no. We have to realize that ourSELVES can be so much more than just "beautiful".
So, stop expecting your body to fall into a societal standard of beauty that changes every 10 years, because that is not it's fucking job.Your body deserves a break from the verbal and physical abuseYour body deserves recognition of it's talents and abilities at keeping you alive
While this post may be better suited for my other page, iammorethanjustabody.com, the website isn't up yet, so you get to hear about it here. There has been a lot of chatter on my photography page and within my VIP group in regards to body positivity and all that jazz, especially since I posted the advertisement below, so I thought I would expand on my feels in this post.
I was called out by a fellow photographer for "not really promoting body positivity" with this ad because it features a relatively muscular man. So, first of all, the ad was NOT looking for men of all body types, but rather for someone who wants to photograph men, so the dude in the photo is just there for an example of the kind of work that I do. Secondly, body image is not reserved for the unfit only. Let me say it again: BODY IMAGE IS NOT RESERVED FOR THE UNFIT ONLY. Men like to feel bad ass, hot af, and feel confident so I am not to say who is or isn't allowed to enjoy a body positive experience. While I tried to get these points across to the gentleman that decided to hijack my post, he still remained pretty certain that only "fat" people can be body positive. Sigh.
Body positivity & self image are extremely personal, so with the intent put on "fixing society" we are never, ever going to accomplish this. This is like assigning a colored t-shirt to a particular day in an effort to "fix the problem" but in fact, people continue to bully because the problem is not the color of the shirt a bully wears, it's in their mental attitude. So, when it comes to fixing society to stop marginalizing certain groups, we literally have to start within ourselves and become the leaders and champions of our own lives, which in turn will inspire others. Is this easy? God, no. Is it worth it? Of course.
So, what does this mean? This means that if I, as a person OF society, want to make a change in the way body image is perceived, then I have to start with myself. Why is it okay for me to call myself disgusting, but as soon as someone else does it, SOCIETY needs to change? If every person did the inner work necessary to heal themselves and get to the root of their problems there would probably be a lot less hatred in the world. But people don't. Because it's hard. If we stopped pushing ourselves down, then maybe we could move forward from all of this bullshit.
Something I refer to a lot in my talks, is that women ARE to blame. Who keeps buying the magazines that tell us we look and feel like shit, so buy this product to feel/be/look better? We do! 85% of the diet industry is funded by women hoping for a quick fix to achieve an "idealistic body". So, yah, when we say it's society that's the problem...it is...because society is US.
When I stated that body positivity was not reserved for fat people, I had a few people speak up about how while it is not reserved for fat people, it came about due to the fat acceptance movement. My interpretation of that comment was that because the fat acceptance movement played a part in body positivity, it means that fat people should have the recognition for it, so when promoting body positive things we should showcase "fat people". But body image goes way beyond size, shape and so on. Body image encompasses how each individual perceives himself/herself within society (whether or not it is a factual representation of their body, it is their PERCEPTION) and bodies are made up of more than just fat and skin. It just seems that our preoccupation with body image in this day and age is surrounding sizeism. The fat acceptance movement didn't really happen until a few years ago, but I believe there were people fighting for body positivity well before then: people fighting for skin color and the right to be seen as equal, people fighting for gender equality and the right to be seen as equal, and people fighting for disability rights and the right to be seen as equal, etc. All of these things started LONG before the fat acceptance movement, and were different aspects of BODY IMAGE & EMBRACING A PERSON'S IDENTITY. I am certainly not taking away from the work that the fat acceptance movement has provided in terms of body positivity in the most recent years, but I think that we need to understand that by making it seem as though body positivity has to do with size only, we are neglecting the other marginalized groups of people and disrespecting the people that are perceived as being "normal" to society when they do have body image issues.
The thing, I think we forget, is that we all come to the table with our own "glasses" on. Essentially, the way we have always seen our lives, the way we look at our pasts, the way we compare ourselves and others, etc. will play a big part on how our body image reflects in our minds. (Again, this is why it's a personal thing). For example, someone who is 105 lbs and suddenly gains 30lbs due to an unknown reason, may find themselves comparing their new body to an old one and will probably feel fat. So, to this person, she may think of herself as fat, but to someone like me who is 250lbs I would be more inclined to tell her otherwise. But again, I CANNOT TELL SOMEONE HOW THEY SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT FEEL.
Then people say "HEY! Fat isn't a bad word" and this is correct. But, what has happened is that we have conditioned ourselves to use the word fat as an umbrella term in place of how we actually feel. For example, perhaps you eat a lot of salty pizza and lots of ice cream (which is delicious in the moment!), but then the next day you feel bloated and uncomfortable. We would standardly say "uuuuuugh...I'm having a fat day" when in fact you KNOW you can't possibly have gained fat that quickly, but instead you are probably feeling: lethargic, bloated, uncomfortable, dehydrated, maybe guilty because you have an unhealthy relationship with food, etc. but we sum that up with "FAT" because that is what WE, as society, have bought into. Every time we watch a commercial, read a magazine, or scroll through our newsfeeds we have reminders telling us how shitty we must feel when we are "fat" and if we don't stop to critically think where those messages are coming from, we internalize it and then believe it as true, and we continue to spend the money on the establishments that "promises to save us" from ourselves.
So, I got a bit off topic there, but I needed to explain that body positivity is for EVERY body. I cannot tell someone who is 10lbs thinner than me that they are not allowed to be body positive because they aren't as fat as me. That just doesn't make sense to the phrase BODY POSITIVE. I cannot tell someone if they fall into the fat category or not, because that would be just as terrible as going to the doctor and telling them you have to "fit into this particular category" in order to be deemed healthy (and this fatty know how shitty that feels). As a boudoir photographer and body image activist it is NOT my place to determine someone's level of body image acceptance. 
If someone comes to me and tells me they have struggled with their body image their whole life and they are 110lbs I am not going to say "Girl, you have nothing to worry about" because she DOES have something to worry about...she has to worry about the unhealthy relationship that she is having with her body and that it is resulting in preventing her from understanding her worth because her confidence is so low. She has to be concerned that over 13 times a day she is saying negative shit to herself that further compounds her feelings. She has to worry that she is developing an eating disorder because she feels she is "not allowed" to talk about her body image issues because of her petite size. My job as a body image activist is not to turn her away because she "isn't fat enough"...it's to embrace, understand, and be an ally to her as she works on herself to understand that even though her body IS good enough, her body is only a fraction of the awesome equation that makes her her. If a woman weighs 210lbs+ and and says she hates her body, I am going to give her 100% of the same treatment, respect, and understanding. It is not my place to tell someone how they can and cannot feel about their bodies, nor should it be yours.
We, as individuals, can only work from within and work on ourselves. We can critically think about the mass messages and not buy into the shit we are being fed. We can stop buying waist trainers, cosmetic surgery procedures, and products that are aimed to "fix" us...because as a business owner I know, that if there is no $$ coming in, you will go out of business---supply and demand and all that. The only way to change society is to ultimately focus on yourself...are you being judgemental? Are you pushing other people down to help yourself? Are you buying products in an effort to increase your self worth? Are you sharing memes online that promote shaming in any capacity? Or are you calling people out for doing this sort of shit? I promise that once you start to focus on your own contribution to society, you will start to see that the change may actually begin with you.
After that long-winded explanation this is why I firmly believe that body positivity is for every body and should not be reserved for a certain "type." Essentially, in order for us to change the society that we curse so much, we must look within ourselves and start the change from there. After all, as Ghandi says "Be the change, you wish to see in the world."
Miss R.'s shoot was a first for me. She booked her session in the morning (not uncommon).....OF HER WEDDING (uncommon!) How cool is that? While she was getting married that day, the intent for her session had very little to do with her lucky partner...it was all about her! Her post after she saw her photos had me in tears. She. Was. Amazing.
Of course I thought she was awesome, and I absolutely love that she fully trusted me to do whatever I wanted with her, but I am going to let this hottie tell you what the experience meant to her, because at the end of the day it's never about me...it's always, always, ALWAYS about HER.
I got back from my reveal session with Teri Hofford Photography and I just wanna say... Wow.
I decided on a boudoir empowerment session for myself because I had too much issues with hating myself and the way my body's current state is. I'm in the process of transitioning to reach my goal, but I want to be able to actually love myself without a doubt to actually see myself in a different light. There are various times when I don't get as much likes on a photo, having a shitty day, or do something mentally exhausting where I just wanna say "I'm not fucking good enough!" Or "I'm ugly," "I'm too fat," "Nobody wants to see all that," or in general fear that I'd be bullied more about my looks than I was in high school. Since I seen what she's been doing out there to help build body positivity with women out there, I decided to go for it for myself for me. Being someone with anxiety, it's hard to see myself as more than enough. Sure the hubby might check out the end results and stuff, but HE SEES ME EVERY DAY SO ANYTHING HE SAYS I THINK IS BULL CRAP WHEN HE COMPLIMENTS ME.
I was nervous as hell in the beginning because of my white sheet session, but when I got into it I felt more confident with little I was wearing (sexy outfit, done up hair, and fierce makeup).
When I got there today, I was excited in going but at the same time having doubts in myself to see if i actually looked good or not. Having a surge of anxiety, a lot of thoughts in my head like "what if they're not as good as I was hoping?" "My booty probably won't look that good," "My boobies only look good from some angles," "I have really bad skin (keratosis pilaris + stretchmarks), I'm afraid ... they would ruin the pic."
She sat me down, showed me a beautiful sildeshow that I was holding back my waterworks because... After seeing the first few I was like, "Oh damn, I'M FIERCE AS FUCK! I'm fierce as fuck no matter what size I am." And that's the kind of image I want to remind myself of that I am me, THAT IS ME! WOW! And some of these pics are way too hot for Facebook. Lmao!!! Heck I even thought I had a nice pair! I was wowed and I'm still wowed!
Definitely worth it, if you're struggling to see yourself in the way others see you in a positive light... GO SEE TERI! The journey is real!!!
Ready to change your view of YOURSELF for 2017? Hit the contact button above to get the deets on your own epic empowerment session!
Well, shit....It's December. When the heck did that happen??? It feels like we were just finishing up our New Years Eve shoot that finished off 2015...phew! The holiday season is interesting because as much as it is filled with "joy", diet culture has also told us to be full of "guilt" over what we eat & drink and that is no way to live a body positive lifestyle, let me tell you!! This whole "I hate myself because I ate a piece of pie" bullshit that starts in Thanksgiving and pretty much carries over until you purchase a too expensive gym membership that you will use quite a bit for two weeks, but then fall back into old habits, is getting pretty old if you ask me. Now, I am not bashing those who want to maintain a balance with their body, but it shouldn't be such a love/hate/guilt/shame relationship that many of us have....it should be a "I ate and drank quite a bit last night. My body deserves better because I don't want to get sick this holiday season, so I will take it easy until the next party comes along." This sounds like a healthier conversation than the one where we are crying about our weight into sticky toffee pudding. Maybe it's just me.....but if it's not, I wanted to throw together a body positive advent calendar to kind of keep those negative conversations at bay and help you truly have a joyful holiday season and give thanks for the kick ass body you do have, whatever point in your journey you are at!
I urge you to do some of, if not all of these things to keep you in a positive mindset when it comes to our body relationships. Like everything else around the holidays, traditions are incredibly common, but one tradition I hope to change is the one where we shame ourselves into feeling like a bag of shit because we ate 3 Turtles! I hope you laugh, cry, hug, kiss, and appreciate the time you have this holiday season and my team and I wish you the very best! I am off to a sunny destination for the first week of December, but I will be back after that and I hope to see many of you bad ass babes feeling strong, beautiful, and empowered! Happy December!
