Better yet, let's not talk about bodies at all. #BOPO #bodypositivity #iambeautiful #iampretty #iammorethanjustmybodyandweneedtostartrealizingthatthisismoreimportant. Has anyone else noticed that "body positivity" is getting extremely watered down? It's becoming so topical, trendy, empty, and void. Don't get me wrong, I love to see women loving their bodies regardless of size, shape, color, etc. BUT now we are heading to far in the other direction and it seems as though if you aren't body positive, you should feel guilty about it. I don't know, maybe I am just being cynical but I think that we should strive to achieve peace with our body...body neutral, if you will. Am I happy to see diversity in the media? Of course, but I would be a hell of a lot happier if they stopped referring to the models as "Plus models" or stopped making their size the focus of their marketing as opposed to the actual garments. Maybe my rant is because I have been working for the last 2 weeks without a day off...I mean, after all I am a self proclaimed body positivity activist, right?
But I have been thinking about this a lot and I thought about myself and my mission and what I am really trying to accomplish. At what point did we forget that we are so much more than just our bodies? I mean, there had to have been a time when our body didn't even register as a thing that was good or bad, it just....was. I am starting to think that this is even more important, possibly, than body positivity.
I get that I am striving to help people be more positive about the things they say and think about their body, but more importantly I want them to realize that there is more to them than JUST a body. My other post about body image not being about the body at all, is a perfect example of this. Instead of extremely hating or hyper-focusing on, how about we just accept our body for what it is: it is the Earth suit that allows us to do our Earth work. Regardless of it's size, shape, color, or otherwise, it is simply a casing on a kick ass interior. And yes, your body is beautiful. And yes, your size is fab. And yes, your skin color is gorgeous. BUT. You are so. much. more. than. that.
You are an accumulation of passion, drive, generosity, fearlessness, courage, brilliance bravery, soul, spirit, and dreams. There is no casing perfect enough to encapsulate ALL of these things aside from the one you have been given. And you are not these things all at once and you're also never specifically one of these things. I like to think of our spirit and who we ACTUALLY are is similar to a beautiful cosmos....swirling, changing, sparkling, showing up, disappearing, a continual eddy of glitter that cannot possibly be found in our skin color, our body shape, or size. And maybe that's what frustrates us ABOUT our bodies.....is that we don't see ourselves truly reflected in our casing because we DO know we are much more than our outsides.
We need to start changing our conversations and the words we use to describe each other and the world around us. Look at the potential, the ferocity, the courage, the brilliance, the confidence, instead of JUST the beauty and bodies. And blame it all on biology if you want. The fact that we look for "healthy" mates and find those with symmetrical faces to be more appealing is rooted in biology. But let's be clear, there's this little thing called evolution or adaptability (if you don't believe in evolution) that has shown us that we are able to change our brain paths and with every new generation we are a bit different than the last. So, let's start to change our biological brains to learn a new habit. One that starts to see past bodies and recognize people for WHO they are, instead of what they look like....and that goes for ourselves too. Look in the mirror, but compliment your inner strength, brilliance, and drive. The only thing you should care about on your body is whether or not you have toothpaste on your chin or food in your teeth.
With every photo project I do, I am realizing more and more that we need to stop comparing because it is like comparing different kittens....THEY ARE ALL ADORABLE!!! Our motivations, our personality, our relationships, etc. are not one size fits all, just as our bodies are not one size fits all. So why do we keep trying to force ourselves into this weird checklist of "perfection"? I get that we want to socially "fit in" and all that, but at what expense? I tried that and I hated myself. I am sure I am not alone in this. You know that feeling when you are talking about something you love and are passionate about and your voice gets louder, and your hands start moving, and your eyes get sparkly and you talk faster and you don't even give a shit to what or how your body looks in that moment?? That's your soul saying "hey, hey! THIS is YOU!! This is what you are made of!!" You will never feel that same sparkle when you try to be someone else because it is not you. Plain and simple. You know that saying "Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole"? That is the fight the majority of people make every single day that they try to be something they aren't.
In this day and age (and yes, I realize how old that makes me sound) we are being sucked into a vortex of sub-species. It's like society is turning us into someone's ridiculous Starbucks order! Everything we try to do or be, someone feels the need to put a label on it: Cis, Bi, Plus, Straight, Thin, White, Black, Brown, Bla Bla Bla. Why is this necessary? Why does everything need to fit into a little packaged box. Why can't we just....be? Do I take pride in being a woman? Of course. But I am more than my gender. Just as I am more than my size, my sexual orientation, my PCOS, and my job. These are just some of the things that make up the cosmic map that is Teri Kristin Lee Hofford and I am trying to be the most Teri Kristin Lee Hofford that I know how to be. Stop putting fucking labels on yourself and other people, they only continue to segregate people and cause hurt and sadness.
So after this ranty post, am I still a body positivity activist? Yes. I always look to the positive so I believe my mission is to help women change their brain paths and habits to help them achieve a healthier relationship with their body. But I have also realized that I am also a sparkly-life activist (don't let the name fool you, even though I'm sparkly, I'm still tough love Teri): I will inspire, motivate, and empower women to achieve their strongest, most effervescent lives without anything holding them back (including body image). I will help women see their cosmic map for what it is and to use their beautiful differences to inspire, motivate, and heal others. I will help women to understand that their beauty is so much more than the curves of their hips, the length of their eyelashes, or the firmness of their breasts. I will ask women the tough questions to help them understand why they feel the way they do about themselves and the world around them. I will help women move out of their comfort zone into a world of growth and opportunity, free of judgment from themselves and inspire them to move mountains with their power, not their body. I will teach women to revel in the galaxy that makes up their soul and to appreciate all the bits, even the ones that make them feel less worthy, because even broken things shine brightly. Lastly, I will remove any and all labels, providing a judgement free space where women can talk about their fears in relation to themselves: their body, their mind, their dreams, their soul and hopefully give them some comfort to move forward into the world, becoming aquainted with their true, authentic, beautiful, powerful self. I will not ask women to be body positive (unless they want to be), but rather body accepting and body neutral. If you can come to a a place of peace with your Earth suit, that is still better than being negative and this peace allows you to focus on the other parts that truly give value to your wonderous being! Now, go forth, dwell in the magic that is your spirit and enjoy the journey!
She Freed Herself from Negativity {Las Vegas Diaries} ~ International boudoir photographer
NSFW (of course)Maybe it's because I shoot quite often, but I sometimes take for granted the power that a session can have in changing a person's life. Miss A was one of the boudoir babes that allowed me to photograph her whilst in Vegas and as a killer photographer herself, I knew she was going to rock it. Between her strawberry pink hair, gorgeous tattoos, and sassy personality I knew she would deliver. It was after the fact, however, that I realized just how much our short session affected her. Miss A gave me full permission to share her testimonial with you because it is extremely inspirational:"Something in me totally changed. I hate to sound cliche like every other person who posts how seeing photos changed them, but they have. I literally don't think I have ever thought I looked sexy. Every time in my life that I've ever had sex all I could think is about how I must look bad in that position, or how he must be looking at my saggy boobs, the thought made it very hard for me to truly enjoy sex. I even thought it was nasty to actually orgasm. So I got home from Vegas, watched the video {that I had made of the Vegas trip} and then went to dinner. After coming back I had sex, and not just regular sex, but the best freaking sex of my life. For the first time in my life I was not worried about what was going on around me and I just enjoyed the moment. I enjoyed everything about the moment. This said...I am so happy that I was finally able to let me mind free from the negative thoughts and just enjoy the love of my life. XOXO thanks."
Wow. If that isn't powerful, I don't know what is!! Sex is one of those things that women are supposed to remain hush, hush about and not something to be talked about, but I say "fuck it, let's talk about sex." I AM GIVING YOU PERMISSION TO HAVE GREAT SEX! (If you want it) You should never settle for mediocre activity between the sheets, and whether its with a partner or yourself, you deserve to be in the moment and experience every touch and every sensation without negative thoughts getting in your way. Getting out of your head and turning those negative thoughts away before they can distract you from the act at hand is not something that will happen overnight, but it is something worth working towards and if you are in a relationship where you can communicate all these feels to your partner, it will be that much better.
Even though I don't believe a boudoir session is the only answer to amping up a sex life, I do believe it can play a big part in that. Not only because you will, of course, walk away with sexy, empowering, sexually charged photos of yourself, but also because of the confidence it takes to get naked in front of a stranger. ESPECIALLY, if you are usually a lights off kinda gal. I love putting my babes into provocative positions and shooting with a voyeuristic feel because I believe that it gives the women the feeling that she is in control of her sexual experience (which she is). Sensual photos of a woman...BY HERSELF....ENJOYING HERSELF....is extremely intimate, beautiful, and more often than not, a big turn on because it shows a confidence and independence that she doesn't NEED a partner to satisfy her, but rather she CHOOSES to have a partner (and that partner is f*ing lucky.)
Hands up if you have thought about your appearance whilst in the middle of an intimate moment with your partner. I am assuming there are a few of you nodding or actually putting your hand up, because it's silly to think that we wouldn't, especially when the average woman thinks about her appearance 252 times a week. And it's silly to think that those mental blocks hold us back from one of the biggest perks that come with being human. Get out of your head and in between the sheets. Liz from Eat Pray Love says it best when it comes to men and what THEY think about during sex:Liz: I’m in love. I’m having a relationship with my pizza. You look like you’re breaking up with your pizza. What’s the matter? Sofi: I can’t. Liz: What do you mean you can’t? This is Pizza Margherita in Napoli, it is imperative to eat and enjoy that pizza. Sofi: I want to, but I’ve gained like ten pounds. I mean, I’ve got this. . .right here in my tummy, you know this. . .what’s it called? What’s the word for it? Liz: A muffin top. I have one too. Sofi: I unbuttoned my jeans like five minutes ago just looking at this. Liz: Lemme ask you a question, in all the years you’ve ever undressed for a gentleman– Sofi: —it hasn’t been that many. Liz: Alright. Has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out, left? Sofi: No. Liz: Because he doesn’t care. He’s in a room with a naked girl. He’s won the lottery. I’m so tired of saying no and waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before. Counting every calorie I consumed so I know exactly how much self-loathing to take into the shower. I’m going for it. I have no interest in being obese; I’m just through with the guilt. So this is what I’m going to do, I’m going to finish this pizza and then we’re going to go watch the soccer game and tomorrow we’re going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans.
And as for Miss A? "My sex life is going to be amazing from here on out.....and I'll finally walk around with my head up." That's good to hear, Miss A, because every time you lower your head, your crown falls a bit lower. So raise up that chin, walk with the fierceness that being a sexually empowered woman entails, and own the Queen that you are!