When Miss K contacted me about doing a maternity session that wasn't "traditional" and channeled her strength and power rather than the soft, dainty images we usually see with fields, flowers, and hearts on the belly, I said HELL YES!! (Not that there is anything wrong with those, we just wanted more strong & sexy vibe).... As long as she didn't go into labour during her makeup, like our last pregnant babe. There wasn't too much time between when she contacted me and doing her session, so upon meeting for her shoot, I found that Miss K was so sweet, soft spoken and had a beautiful aura about her. But I didn't really have time to hear her story until she sent me her testimonial (which is below)...upon reading her story, my heart broke in pieces, but then I realized that this woman had every reason to be negative, but instead worked her way through what she had to do and refound her inner strength and power to be able to be the loving momma and woman her and her baby needs. I shall let Miss K tell her story below:
I didn't actually research any other boudoir options in Winnipeg. I think the photos I saw of Teri's work before hand (from a mutual Facebook friend) spoke for themselves. On top of that I liked the message and body positivity that I saw once joining her page. Its the kind of thing you know before going into it that you are only going to feel uplifted and welcome.
I think the empowerment session I did was in some ways a culmination of struggle to regain strength over the last nine years and also really helpful in embracing my pregnancy and my future as a single mom.
In the fall of 2008 I was drugged in a guys house, I had gone there to end things with him and ended up two days later having to escape onto the roof with no idea of why I was still there and in a totally psychotic state. That led to a number of diagnoses (general anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, PTSD), and an extreme phobia of going new places (particularly peoples homes but not limited to), flashbacks, panic attacks and an avoidance of places that might trigger them. As cliche as it is I lost my power over my own life and its been a slow process back to strength.
Even my current pregnancy was a result of letting someone take advantage of me and not having my own voice in what I wanted. I feel that doing this shoot for myself was so important in having the strength to be alone right now and take care of myself and my baby and remind myself to have positive thought in regards to my mind and body.
There is a lot more to [an empowerment session] than just beautiful people and I think you should try it if you are curious when the time is right. Kind of like of going to therapy, you will go when you are ready.I couldn't agree more with Miss K. When people inquire about gift cards and the like for their partners, I appreciate the sentiment because yes I think it IS a wonderful gift, but for the woman to experience change and really get the full benefits out of what we do here, she has to be ready: ready to get vulnerable, ready to face herself, ready to invest, and ready to experience a possible change. I always say that absolutely the photos are fabulous (cocky much?) but will you be affected? I don't want to convince anyone this is for them, I don't want to coerce people into doing something they aren't fully invested in, and more importantly, I want people to come to me when they are ready to experience empowerment, strength, confidence, and a new outlook on themselves. Did I just give you an excuse not to do it? I can almost hear you saying "well...I'm so busy, maybe the time's not right, so I must not be ready..." THAT is bullshit because there is no right "time" ...just a right attitude. As humans we are great at being "busy" to distract us from seeking what we need most: to re-connect with ourselves. So, if you are curious about what a session for you would be like, feel free to shoot me an email! Just because you come in for a consultation doesn't mean you have to do the session tomorrow, you can find out more, see what we are about and we can determine if we are a good fit for each other!
She Almost Cancelled ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
Miss T is quite the firecracker. This woman brought a whole suitcase of amazing garments, but perhaps my favorite item she brought was the 8X10 printed photo of Brad Pitt that we stuck around the studio when we needed her to "look lustful". It mostly just created laughter, but it was such a good time. Miss T was one of the gorgeous babes that responded to my casting call for babes over 40. The reason I did that specific casting call was that, while I do shoot women over 40 (up into their late 70s so far!!) many of them come from a generation where you don't share your naughty bits on the internet, or they have higher profile jobs that prevent them from sharing their images, so they are under-represented on my website and I needed to change that!! People need to see that age is nothing and if you aren't aging, you are dead, so embrace the laugh lines, the wrinkles, the age spots, and whatever else comes with it. (We have a project c0ming up to pushback against what the media makes us think of aging, so stay tuned for that!!) In any case, check out Miss T's glorious story below!
Let’s see, where to begin - it all started in a 5,000-watt radio station in Fresno, California. With just a $50-a-week paycheck and a dream. Haha…TV viewers of the 70’s might get that! As an 'older gal'...I have long entertained the idea to treat myself to such an experience. As often is my style...I waffled. Rewinding, I am unsure how I found Teri on facebook - but happily...I did. I adored Teri's work and I especially adored the courage of all the ladies who were 'doing it'!
Their resulting images were gorgeous – I especially enjoyed reading the stories – about the brave models, about their ‘herstory’, about their experience, about how they felt more powerful for doing it! As beautiful as the Universe unfolds - unplanned spur of the moment, I responded to Teri's 'mature' plus 45 year old gal “Casting Call”.
Absolutely I hesitated! Questioning the likelihood of being selected, questioning my ability to actually have the mustard to do such a boudoir session, and questioning myself why I was interested and wanted to do this! I somewhat ‘struggle’ with aging. Nope – I do not resent my aging body. Only post divorce (15 years ago) did I do some ‘self-work’ and discovered a girl who allowed her true colours to become lost and buried. Awakening a stronger, more confident me…I found happiness with being me. Back at 42 years of age I finally ‘fell in love with myself’, and not in an arrogant way, simply being happy being me. For me, the struggle with aging is and remains a mental or emotional ‘fear’. Ka-Boom. Sending in a reply to the ‘call out’ – the wheels were now in motion.
Giddy was I when I received reply from Teri. Few days later I found myself somewhat floundering about my ability/courage to do this, contemplated cancelling, then reasoned that I would regret not doing this. Slowly I warmly embraced the personal challenge – and – a big driver for me was a passage I read in Teri’s VIP Boudy Babes: Because I want you to look back in 10 years and say “I knew I was gorgeous” instead of I wish I knew how gorgeous I was… THAT drove it home for me! Like a prawn who yawns at dawn…it was on!
I became determined to push myself out of my cozy comfort level and let er rip! Results have left me feeling completely over the moon… I enjoyed the time and experience of having my make up applied by Nicole – she is a true sweet girl and I felt so comfortable in her hands. Certainly a fabulous prelude to this photo experience! The quick-thinking, warm personality, and great sense of humour of Teri immediately made me feel ‘at home’…I very much like that! I enjoyed the ease, the comfort…everything rolled up…giving myself permission to ‘dig in’ wake up and allow my inner bombshell to surface and breath!!!
I had picked up my album on a workday lunch break. Getting back to work I chose to wait til I got home to open the beautifully wrapped album. Rewinding... I pulled the boxed album out of the UBER kewl bag...nice. I opened the box and my eyes immediately landed on a little white envelope. In that precise moment my little heart pitter-pattered! Thank you Teri for adding the personal card. Your thoughtfulness is amazing and this little detail...well you could have knocked me over with a feather! I have loved every moment of this Epic Empowering Adventure! La Grrrrr *roar*
PS. Bombshell has NOT gone back to slumber. She is me. I catch glimpses of her in a reflection, I feel her in a quiet moment when a silent sly grin appears on my lips, I sense her courage when I recall this fucking fabulous experience. ~ Viva la Empowerment XO
To anyone contemplating doing a boudoir session: "Gather up your mustard - and - do it! You can do this! You will be happy you did. You will not regret it. Seize the moment. Celebrate the gorgeousness of you You YOU! Tap into & wake up your inner bombshell...she is in there!!!"
She Loved the Label, but Hated the Industry ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photographer
Miss B and I had met a few years ago when she had hired me to do some shots for her modeling career. Since then, she also helped me with my Afternoon Delight series, but then I didn't really hear much from her and when she came in this time, I found out why. The modelling industry took it's toll on her body, her self-love, and mental health. She would find herself in tears time and time again, reliving her childhood experiences of being overweight, but what she didn't realize that the final straw would be the catalyst to her finding her strength and inner peace. I shall let her tell you her story in detail because it is an amazing one and one that young women wanting to get into modeling should hear. So, without further adieu, here is Miss B and her story.
I was a fat kid... when I say fat, I don’t mean “pleasantly plump”- I suffered from childhood obesity. In high school I played rugby. My fat had a purpose, the purpose being to protect me from getting snapped in half on the rugby pitch, to push in the scrum and to crush the opponent. When I graduated high school, I left the rugby world and suddenly my fat was no longer useful to me and I had an identity crises. This was a difficult time for me as I suffered from anxiety and depression, now I had an eating disorder and began cutting myself.
I got into modeling because I was grasping for a new label for myself. A modeling agency had sent me a message for an open casting call, and I took the opportunity. Oddly enough it was modelling that pulled me out of this funk. You can’t cut yourself if you’re a model- there is no place to hide it. Luckily I stopped that shit right quick and I didn’t leave any noticeable scars (mostly on my inner thighs). Now my fat had a purpose again- a new career.
My family thought I was too fragile for the modelling world, that I couldn’t handle the rejection or criticism. But the words I told myself everyday where way worse than anything any scouts would say at auditions. I went to the classes and learned how to walk in heals. Soon I was getting work for fashion shows and print work as a plus size model. Directions such as “tone up, but keep your curves” or “gain 2 inches in just your hips to be more marketable” where ordinary for me.
Then the scouts and agents wanted me to gain even more weight. I know it isn’t something that is brought up about the modelling industry, many people only hear of models having to lose weight, not gain a bunch of it. BUT you can only gain it in certain areas AND you can’t be “jiggly” or “sloppy fat” either.
There were many downright awkward moments when I would go for auditions or even be booked for a job and the clients weren’t aware I was a “plus-size” model. Having to squeeze into a size 2 when you’re a 12/14 isn’t fun. On several occasions designers would cut the clothes, pin the clothing onto me and then I would do my turn on the catwalk praying that the clothes wouldn’t fall off. My last fashion show I was booked for there wasn’t a fitting beforehand. I couldn’t get the dress over my shoulders. I was in the dressing room with 20+ “regular models” and there was a moment when I looked at the designer, and she back at me – in horror – as we hear a rip. I ripped the dress; nothing on my rack would fit me. I didn’t fit any of the clothes and was dismissed because of it. I did the walk of shame passed my friends, went outside and balled my eyes out waiting for my Mom to pick me up. ‘All About That Bass’ was on the radio when she picked me up and I had a good belly laugh about the perfect timing of that song.
I gave it some thought before I quit. I was never the right size. I was too big to be a “regular model” and too small to be a “plus size”. There just wasn’t any work for the size 10-14 gal. I didn’t want to put any more weight on but I knew I couldn’t be a size 2 either. I got a call from my agent for a booking for some print work and I declined it. For this particular job I would have to be a size 8 and I would have to drop a bunch of weight really quickly. This was implied, but never actually said of course.
I was tired of my body not fitting the clothes given to me. I was at a place where I loved the label of model but hated the modeling industry. I was sick and tired of hating myself and the way I looked then having to suddenly flip the switch and pretend to be the most confident woman on the planet for auditions, photo shoots, and fashion shows.
So I made the first step towards loving myself. I quit. I left the modeling world and decided the label I wanted to claim was “happy”. I took a bunch of self help programs and hired a life coach. I took belly dancing to learn how to love my wiggly-jiggly bits. I wrote “I am enough” and “I am Lovable” on all of my mirrors. I started meditating and began taking karate. I got into energy healing and became a certified Reiki Master and Life Coach.
I am happy, and I do love myself. I got my lotus tattoo on Valentine’s Day as a declaration of self love and rebirth- that I will strive to be “like a lotus at ease in muddy water” and not let the negativity of the world/ other people’s shit dirty my pretty petals- let that just roll off me and not let it in.
I decided to come back to the modeling industry because I noticed a trend towards more realistic/ curvy/ healthy models. I want to help empower others and I do miss the adrenaline rush of the runway. I did have fun at photo shoots and enjoy seeing photos of myself.
The industry may have changed, or not- either way I am not the same girl I was when I left the industry in 2014. My daily practices of self love have strengthened me as I strive towards becoming “unfuckwithable”. I want to empower others to challenge the bullshit rules or “brules” of our culture as Vishen Lakhiani would say.
I don’t really have any modelling goals. My goal is to do whatever modelling I can while I am in school to become a Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine. My goal is to model as long as I find it fun and empowering.
I have had a love/ hate relationship with this industry but in the end I have no regrets. I look forward to returning to the modeling industry but won’t allow myself to tie my self-worth to the “model” label or what number is on the scale.
“No Mud, No lotus”- Thich Nhat HanhI see far too many models go through this similar struggle and while they appear to come out of the industry alive, many of them have no idea who they are meant to be or what their body wants to be, because they have been trying to fit whatever standard the current job requires. Before girls get into modeling, I urge them and their parents to do research to make sure not only is the agency reputable, but that they actually have the model's best interest at heart and don't just prey on her want for the "title" of model to pay their bills. It can take a toll on a young person, whose self confidence drops rapidly between 10-19 WITHOUT the help of someone telling you aren't good enough, but you COULD be if you lost 1/4 of an inch of your hips and other bullshit like that. I truly believe modeling agencies should provide mental health support for their models to help them build a strong, internal dialogue that helps them in the long run. Worst case scenario, to the young women reading this that want to desperately get into modeling, make sure you have a healthy foundation of self love and internal respect for yourself and I promise your experience will probably be more positive and rewarding in the long run. Thank you to Miss B for sharing her story!!
Something A Little Different: NSFW ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
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Just A Chair ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photographer
Every now and then I like to challenge myself in an effort to push out of my comfort zone, so after watching an episode of Star on Netflix where the girls do a saucy dance routine involving a chair, I thought that would be a good challenge, using nothing but Jill and an $8 folding chair from Ikea to create some magic. The one thing about growth is that it's uncomfortable and at times, frustrating...but it is necessary.
