Miss T is quite the firecracker. This woman brought a whole suitcase of amazing garments, but perhaps my favorite item she brought was the 8X10 printed photo of Brad Pitt that we stuck around the studio when we needed her to "look lustful". It mostly just created laughter, but it was such a good time. Miss T was one of the gorgeous babes that responded to my casting call for babes over 40. The reason I did that specific casting call was that, while I do shoot women over 40 (up into their late 70s so far!!) many of them come from a generation where you don't share your naughty bits on the internet, or they have higher profile jobs that prevent them from sharing their images, so they are under-represented on my website and I needed to change that!! People need to see that age is nothing and if you aren't aging, you are dead, so embrace the laugh lines, the wrinkles, the age spots, and whatever else comes with it. (We have a project c0ming up to pushback against what the media makes us think of aging, so stay tuned for that!!) In any case, check out Miss T's glorious story below!
Let’s see, where to begin - it all started in a 5,000-watt radio station in Fresno, California. With just a $50-a-week paycheck and a dream. Haha…TV viewers of the 70’s might get that! As an 'older gal'...I have long entertained the idea to treat myself to such an experience. As often is my style...I waffled. Rewinding, I am unsure how I found Teri on facebook - but happily...I did. I adored Teri's work and I especially adored the courage of all the ladies who were 'doing it'!
Their resulting images were gorgeous – I especially enjoyed reading the stories – about the brave models, about their ‘herstory’, about their experience, about how they felt more powerful for doing it! As beautiful as the Universe unfolds - unplanned spur of the moment, I responded to Teri's 'mature' plus 45 year old gal “Casting Call”.
Absolutely I hesitated! Questioning the likelihood of being selected, questioning my ability to actually have the mustard to do such a boudoir session, and questioning myself why I was interested and wanted to do this! I somewhat ‘struggle’ with aging. Nope – I do not resent my aging body. Only post divorce (15 years ago) did I do some ‘self-work’ and discovered a girl who allowed her true colours to become lost and buried. Awakening a stronger, more confident me…I found happiness with being me. Back at 42 years of age I finally ‘fell in love with myself’, and not in an arrogant way, simply being happy being me. For me, the struggle with aging is and remains a mental or emotional ‘fear’. Ka-Boom. Sending in a reply to the ‘call out’ – the wheels were now in motion.
Giddy was I when I received reply from Teri. Few days later I found myself somewhat floundering about my ability/courage to do this, contemplated cancelling, then reasoned that I would regret not doing this. Slowly I warmly embraced the personal challenge – and – a big driver for me was a passage I read in Teri’s VIP Boudy Babes: Because I want you to look back in 10 years and say “I knew I was gorgeous” instead of I wish I knew how gorgeous I was… THAT drove it home for me! Like a prawn who yawns at dawn…it was on!
I became determined to push myself out of my cozy comfort level and let er rip! Results have left me feeling completely over the moon… I enjoyed the time and experience of having my make up applied by Nicole – she is a true sweet girl and I felt so comfortable in her hands. Certainly a fabulous prelude to this photo experience! The quick-thinking, warm personality, and great sense of humour of Teri immediately made me feel ‘at home’…I very much like that! I enjoyed the ease, the comfort…everything rolled up…giving myself permission to ‘dig in’ wake up and allow my inner bombshell to surface and breath!!!
I had picked up my album on a workday lunch break. Getting back to work I chose to wait til I got home to open the beautifully wrapped album. Rewinding... I pulled the boxed album out of the UBER kewl bag...nice. I opened the box and my eyes immediately landed on a little white envelope. In that precise moment my little heart pitter-pattered! Thank you Teri for adding the personal card. Your thoughtfulness is amazing and this little detail...well you could have knocked me over with a feather! I have loved every moment of this Epic Empowering Adventure! La Grrrrr *roar*
PS. Bombshell has NOT gone back to slumber. She is me. I catch glimpses of her in a reflection, I feel her in a quiet moment when a silent sly grin appears on my lips, I sense her courage when I recall this fucking fabulous experience. ~ Viva la Empowerment XO
To anyone contemplating doing a boudoir session: "Gather up your mustard - and - do it! You can do this! You will be happy you did. You will not regret it. Seize the moment. Celebrate the gorgeousness of you You YOU! Tap into & wake up your inner bombshell...she is in there!!!"
Her Body Was A Means To An End {Las Vegas Diaries} ~ International Boudoir Photographer
One of the best parts of my profession is meeting other boudoir photographers and connecting with them. Miss S of I Am Boudoir came to our Confident Curves workshop in Las Vegas and also did a mini session with me! After her session, she filled me in on why doing a session and why boudoir was so important to her and I knew it was a story that I had to share...
My body was a means to an end. 
Growing up I experienced several instances of sexual assault, both as a child and as a teen. I had grown men fondle me and attempt to assault me. My high school years were ruined when a classmate tried to rape me, yet he was never disciplined. Those instances turned me into an object. As such, I have never really trusted anyone with my body. I always felt like my body was the means to the end. Men just wanted my body to get what THEY wanted in the end. 
I grew to hate my body. The more I gained weight, the safer I felt. No one wants the “fat” girl right? I would go to a car lot to look at cars and no one would approach me. No one held doors for me, no one said hello or acknowledged me walking down the street. I was invisible and society told me I was undesirable at my size. 
I met my husband at 19 years old. He loved me for me and tolerated all my craziness. When we would fight and argue he would fight dirty. Even in the dirtiest of fights and the nastiest of words, he never once mentioned my weight or called me fat. I respected that. It made me feel like he loved me the way I was. We were together for twenty years. In 2011 I had weight loss surgery. I was never comfortable with my body and wanted to make a change. We were having issues in our marriage and sex wasn’t ever on the menu, so hey, if he’s more attracted to me, bonus! I lost approximately 80 pounds and was feeling AMAZING physically! I was thinner than I was in high school and yet, I was more self-conscious than ever. Suddenly I wasn’t invisible anymore and I was getting attention, which made me uncomfortable. I started nit-picking every single pudge here, or crease there. 
It was at this time I discovered by husband of twenty years was cheating on me. And not just cheating on me, but cheating on me with PROSTITUTES. I was embarrassed and disgusted. Was I that gross to make him pay for sex instead of pursuing me? Were that pudge and that crease the reason? I was devastated and turned to my best friend for support, food! Eight months later, I packed up my things while he was at work and I left. I had also gained about 40 pounds back at that point. I realize now that I slowly packed on pounds again as a protection mechanism to keep myself from getting hurt again. 
So where am I today? Today I have gained all 80 pounds back and weigh exactly the same as I did the day I had surgery. I am in a different space now. Yes, I still mindlessly snack, but I don’t feel like I medicate with food anymore. I also embrace my body the way it is. I no longer have this innate desire to chase thinness. I don’t care about my cellulite, or my rolls. My body is mine. It wakes me up every day, it hugs and squeezes my kids, and its my means to MY own end.
Having my own boudoir photos done was a way for me to embrace my body again. It was a way to MAKE me see myself as a sexual being. It was a way for me to feel proud of who I am today and how much I have grown emotionally. My body is not perfect, it never will be, but its MINE and I’m so proud I can look at it today and embrace it just the way it is – all 216 pounds of it.
She Allowed Herself to Feel Sexy ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
Miss R is one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever met. I had the pleasure of meeting her at my very first empowerment project back in the day and then we have seen each other a few times after that. We learned a lot about each other at our Body Positivity Roundtable and as someone who is in the same profession as me, we have quite a bit in common. This babe is a talented photog and creative person with a big heart. After our body image conversation, I knew that this session was going to mean a lot to her.
Miss R transformed in front of the camera. She definitely brought her A-game and killed her session. And when I found out how flexible she was, there was no stopping us! More importantly she exclaims that her boudoir experience was "MIND NUMBINGLY FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC" and her story is something you are definitely going to want to read!
Let me start by saying sentences were the hardest thing to form while having my reveal… only words, two or three at a time, were producing out of my mouth. “Holy shit” seemed to be my preferred combination!
What interested me the most during this time though, was how every time I fell in love with a picture and became happy, I almost immediately began telling myself to “calm down and stop being narcissistic”. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be in love with my photos… wasn’t allowed to be in love with myself because I was being vain or self-absorbed . Then the next photo would pop up and I would go through that cycle again. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be pretty, sexy or beautiful in these photos until someone else told me. Which, let me tell you, Teri and Jill were DEFINITELY letting me know!
But why? Why did I feel like I needed that validation, that permission? It wasn’t until I took a step back half way through my photos that I realized, all I needed was to feel as happy as I was. I am allowed to think I am gorgeous, I am allowed to believe that I don’t just look good because “these are professional photos”. I look beautiful, simply because, I am.
Another thing that interested me, no… rather, what SURPRISED me, was that I didn’t find myself nit-picking at my body. I wasn’t looking for things I didn’t like or looking for the things I “know’ are there that I don’t like. I didn’t find myself comparing myself in my head to my friends (as I normally do), or wishing that my body looked like someone else’s or wishing that I had “just lost 5 more pounds” for the shoot. I was more than happy just being me, having the body I have right in this moment. And let me tell yeah, just how FUCKING empowering that was.
I always worry about how people (even my friends and family) look at me and 100% of the time I think everyone just looks at me and thanks their lucky stars they don’t have my body. That they feel they can rest easy knowing they don’t have my body and don’t look like me or don’t weigh what I weigh etc…. But not this day, this day I thanked my lucky stars I have this body in all of its Goddess Queen like glory.
After my shoot, literally on the way out of Teri’s studio, I ironically came across this quote that I feel sums up my whole experience with my boudoir shoot. “The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet” – Mohadesa Najumi
I know without a doubt, that the battle Miss R was having during her reveal is one that many women go through. This is why it is so important to me that we communicate after the reveal slideshow. Whatever the reaction is, it is completely normal! For so long we look to other people for validation of our beauty, but I think the world is coming around to the fact that we don't NEED to do that anymore. It is not narcisstic for you to love yourself and tell yourself you are beautiful...in fact, it is HEALTHY to do so. It is not shameful for you to appreciate your assets and your Goddess-like nature. It is important. I need all of you babes that relate to Miss R's self-conversations to stop right now and say "I'm beautiful and I am worthy and I am a Goddess....and it's okay that I am saying this."