My Tum Is Worthy Of Touch ~ Body Image

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When I was in mexico I had a massage and during this massage I had an intriguing experience. I'm pretty sure my massage therapist was some sort of healer because I had a bunch of interesting insights and feels during the entire process. The one that affected me the most, however, was when she massaged my tum. I haven't had a tum massage before, but essentially it was just her rubbing her hands over my squishy belly. I don't know if it was the pent up emotions from @bodyimagebootcamp or something else, but as she touched my tum i started to cry. I realized, as her hands moved over my rolls and flesh that I hadn't let anyone touch my tum for a very long time (aside from myself). I thought how uncomfortable it was and my 1st instinct was to push her hands aside, but I gave in to it instead and let the tears move. I thought about how many times my husband would go to caress my chubby bits and I would force his hand away...particularly in the last 3 years since my body has gained a significant amount of weight. While I may have gotten comfortable with my OWN love for my tum, I guess I still didn't think anyone else could. This is how fatphobia works. We all have it. Even those of us that work hard to erase it, it still manifests in tiny ways that make us believe that "if only I was smaller, I would be more loveable." But that isn't true. My husband has been trying to love all of me, but I just pushed him away. So going forward, I'm more aware of my rejection motions and since coming home it has become homework for me to let him touch my squishy tum daily. It's uncomfortable right now, but just like how I became comfortable with myself touching my belly, I know this will become comfortable AND improve our physical touch relationship. So, thank you to the magical witch masseuse for helping heal this part of me 🥰 and fuck you to a society that taught me my squishy belly isn't worthy of touch.

A post shared by teri hofford (@terihofford) on Oct 22, 2019 at 4:35am PDT

How Do You Actually Feel?

Last night we had our online Body Image Bootcamp- Spring Session and the topic was the Dreaded F* Word - FAT. It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot from the time we are little and well into our adult years as if it something to fear, to be afraid, to be named after. But here’s the thing : it’s just a word.

One of my esteemed colleagues always says “words create worlds” which I think is a quote stolen from someone else, but in any case, it hammers home the point, so today I want to talk about breaking down our words to see just how much they contribute to either harming or helping our psyche and those around us!

We’ve all said “UGH. I FEEEEEL SO FAAAAAAT” and regardless of our ACTUAL size, we have all “felt” fat at one point or another. But here’s the thing, unless you are physically holding a chunk of fat in your hand, you aren’t REALLY feeling fat because SURPRISE - FAT ISN’T A FEELING. It isn’t an emotion. But we have been taught to use the word fat to sum up all the icky feelings we have about ourself. So, in my Body Image Bootcamp I have the attendees breakdown what are they ACTUALLY feeling and it’s no surprise that words we get are: lazy, bloated, tight clothes, lethargic, tired, heavy, uncomfortable, frumpy, not desireable, etc.

Why is this harmful? Well, if you go through your whole life thinking that FAT = lazy, bloated, tight clothes, lethargic, tired, heavy, uncomfortable, frumpy, not desireable, etc. then it’s no fucking wonder why we are so afraid of it! Furthermore, it continues to perpetuate the stereotype that fat bodies = lazy, bloated, tight clothes, lethargic, tired, heavy, uncomfortable, frumpy, not desireable, etc. when in fact most of the fat bodies I know are incredibly productive, bad ass, comfortable, confident, and desired (not that these are the things that make us worthy of respect - we are worthy of respect simply by existing, but you get the point.)

The other thing that happens, is that that word becomes your band-aid: “I feel fat. That’s all there is to it. I’m just going to sit and dwell in this feelings of pity and frustration.” BUT if you actually broke it down to understanding what you are ACTUALLY feeling, then you can take steps to actually correct it. Can’t fix it if you don’t know what IT is, right? So, let’s say if you break it down to “Oh, wait, I don’t actually feel fat, I feel bloated.” Then you can take a look at the contributing factors that brought you to being bloated and THEN you can take steps to correct that feeling of uncomfortablness (salt baths, drinking lots of water, moving your body, eating less inflammatory foods, etc)

Now, umbrella terms don’t just apply to the word FAT, but also to other words: crazy, ADD, OCD, bipolar, etc. We use these words to sum up how we are feeling, but in doing so it not only perpetuates shitty stereotypes, but also takes away from the seriousness of people with mental illness! So, it’s important anytime you hear yourself say “I FEEL BLABLABLA” give yourself a minute and say “how do I ACTUALLY feel?”