When Miss M came in for her first shoot, about 2 years ago, she probably never imagined that she would end up in a magazine nor did she think she would be asked to model for my posing tutorial video. Well, every time I presented her with an opportunity she never said no and that's how beautiful Miss M became one of my Boudy Muses. Now, for those of you that aren't sure what a Boudy Muse is, it is someone that I have an easy time photographing without giving much direction and there is a certain "chemistry" as odd as that sounds that allows us to just "click!" The very first time I shot Miss M I felt it and knew I needed her to come back in for some new stuff! This babe brings it every time and is always incredibly professional on set! The best part about these opportunities, however, is that SHE had to do something uncomfortable. SHE had to book her own boudoir session first, she had to invest in herself first, and she had to take a chance on something that was incredibly scary for her...but NOW LOOK!! She has graced the pages of the national Fabuplus magazine and is now inspiring to so many women, photographers and other clients alike! It pays to take a chance on yourself every now and then.
Chill Vibes with Jade {Mexico Diaries} - Winnipeg Boudoir Photographer
Prepare yourselves. I have pretty much finished all of the images from our Mexico trip back in February, so there will be an onslaught of tropical beauties coming your way! First up is Miss Jade whom you've seen a number of times before. She is what we like to refer to as a "muse". This girl is a beautiful chameleon as you will see in all of her posts, able to become any character at any moment! For this particular look, I wanted to go for a comfy, natural look and when we arrived to our "home" for the week and saw we had our own private tiki bar, I knew it was the perfect set for it! My babe Kylie Smith did Jade's beautiful natural makeup, making sure this doll glowed in the light.
She Avoided Looking At Herself In the Mirror ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
You have seen Ms. Raissa on my site and social media multiple times, but you have never seen her like this. Usually our shoots involve over the top makeup, clothes, hair, and crazy styling that it seems only this babe can pull off. But like so many of my model babes, she was incredibly nervous about doing a stripped down boudoir session and I have to admit, it was difficult for me to shoot her as a boudoir client because I know the crazy model-y shit she is capable of...but I also knew I had to show her that her stripped down self is incredibly beautiful and worthy of being photographed. I am going to let Raissa tell you more about her journey.
Awhile back I did something really scary. I did a boudoir shoot with Teri Hofford.
Now I know, I have done so many shoots with Teri before. Why would this be any different? Well, for one - every time we have shot together, I got to play a character that distanced myself a bit from who I am in the rawest of forms. No costumes or personas to hide behind. The only inspiration for this shoot - is myself. Going into the shoot I had a bit of a panic attack and an identity crisis. I felt that this shoot was going to be the hardest shoot I've ever done. I'm still not even sure who I am, but by being too scared to acknowledge myself and my body, I would never find out.
I took the leap. One thing Teri and I have talked about is how often I feel that my insecurities and my feelings are invalidated. I have a fairly petite frame, I know. It does not mean that I have more self confidence that anyone. Yet, I can feel ashamed of my insecurities because people will write them off. They don't see how deep those feelings run. I often avoid looking myself in the mirror.
Growing up I would have such bad anxiety that someone might be staring at me. Even during "Oh Canada" at the beginning of every day at school, I would get heart palpitations and have a gigantic lump in my throat. I have struggled with feeling beautiful for my entire life, and how skinny other people think I am, does not make that any less true.
I have felt fat. I have pinched my stomach to judge how comfortable I will feel that day. I have felt too skinny. I have felt simultaneously too fat and too skinny. I have wished that I had blue or green eyes, or prettier eyes. I have felt like a freak in a crowd. I have felt like I'm not good enough or pretty enough.
I have a tendency to put people, including those I don't know, on a pedestal above me. I can automatically see the good in someone else, find someone beautiful any shape and size, or admire them for a specific quality. When it comes to myself, I almost feel like my brain hits a wall. I just can't be that kind to myself.
The one thing I try to be mindful of, is that society teaches us to judge ourselves to keep us as loyal consumers, constantly trying to fill the void of "not enough". And the truth is, nothing you buy will ever fill that void.
Why do boudoir? Well for me, it NORMALIZED my body. Now that may not seem like much to some people, but for me it moved mountains. How often do you avoid looking at yourself in the mirror? How often do you feel ashamed, or when you feel confident, do you question whether you have the right to be?
I gained weight after an injury and a stressful, sad summer. And I thought to myself, "What better time for me to try this out than now? When I need it most. When it scares me most" You know what? Afterwards, life goes on. The world didn't end because I finally acknowledged my body. Everything was fine. And for me, that was a major realization. It moved mountains in my head. I can acknowledge my body more fully, because I know that it is not an "end all be all". There is more to life than feeling conventionally beautiful. It is important to find a way to loving yourself first and foremost.
Raissa and I talk about the different ends of the spectrum and again, the fact that someone who "fits the stereotypical ideal" and someone that is outside of that realm both hate their bodies probably means it's not about the body at all, right? I was so proud of her for doing this, for pushing herself outside her comfort zone and acknowledging her sense of self and what she is capable of. This babe is immensely brilliant, ridiculously kind, and a beautiful soul and hopefully, now, she will realize that the packaging is less important than the package itself. I love this girl so hard and she is always ready to fight for everyone else, I am happy to see her fight for herself.
She Had Given Up On Life ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
You know that feeling when the sun breaks through the clouds, creating what can only be described as Heaven rays? Well, that's the perfect description of Miss B's entrance into the room. For our first meeting, the consultation, she burst through the door with a grin and jazzy personality that filled the room immediately. Her laugh, her amazing smile, and her....aura were all so incredibly infectious that I knew she NEEDED this. With an energy that powerful, one can feel it shift and when she began to tell me her story....a story of loss, heartache, and disappointment in this beautiful body of hers, the clouds came back together and tears rolled down her cheeks. The day of her session was a day filled with such an array of energy feels: anxious, fear, excitement, joy, nervousness...it was a cocktail of all the feelings...and the day started with more clouds, than sunlight. But she persevered, as the sun tends to do on the cloudiest of days. Suddenly, the beams were back, the grin spreading from cheek to cheek, the sass coming forth in every movement, and the goddess within bubbled forward, basking the entire studio in what can only be akin to the sun breaking over the horizon in the morning, casting it's glow on everything it touches. Miss B came alive right before my lens. I feel incredibly privileged to have gotten to know and experience Miss B and I can only imagine how grateful those who know her feel, when she casts her warmth and sunlight on them. Miss B wrote her own beautiful recount of her experience, in life and in her session because she knew it might be able to inspire just even ONE woman to feel differently....to feel empowered. Without further adieu, here she is:
I have always been a confident person, even when I had no right to be (hello 90’s? - Eek!). I’m not sure why but think it has to do with two things; I was the tallest, thickest girl in most of my classes growing up, so I accepted who I was early on and made no apologies for it. I was also lucky enough to have been raised by an incredible Mum and fabulous aunties who’d repeatedly tell me, “You can’t change the width of your shoulders or the size of your feet/You are beautiful inside and out - don’t be afraid to show the world who you are/Be fashionable, learn what flatters your body and walk tall/Size doesn’t determine worth.” This permission to be myself allowed me to flourish, to be kind, outgoing, intelligent, compassionate and confident.
On February 14, 2013 all of that changed. My husband and I were told that due to physician’s errors we’d never be able to have children. Utter devastation doesn’t even scratch the surface of how it affected us – me most of all. I am an only child and my husband is the only son with a partner. I placed the burden of carrying on both family lines directly on my shoulders and I felt I had failed myself, womankind, my husband, our parents and every antecedent that had ever lived. If I wasn’t going to be a Mum, what purpose did my life have? How could I face our families knowing I was such a disappointment? What did I have to live for? Through it all, my amazing husband would remind me, “I didn’t want to marry you so you would bear my children. I wanted to marry you because I knew I had to spend the rest of my life with you!” Coming from a very British upbringing where lips don’t quiver and you Carry On, I did my best to show a brave face to the rest of the world. We immediately started the process of adoption, went about our daily lives and fell apart in the privacy of our home.
Six months later my father died. The man who loved me unconditionally from the moment I took my first breath until the moment he took his last, was gone. Neither of us could do wrong in each other’s eyes and my decimation was complete. I totally gave up on life, on caring about myself and on hope. I felt worthless. I was reduced to nothing. I wailed and wallowed and grieved these deep losses for a long time. Through it all, my husband loved me, adored me, and reminded me that life was worth living. He still saw that spark of ME hidden under layers of sorrow that I thought was gone forever. Michael literally kept me alive.
Every Valentine’s Day for the last five years has been a shit show. We re-live that awful day in the doctor’s office and it casts a very dark shadow on what should be a wonderful celebration. This year I vowed to take the day back and made an appointment to see Teri. I was sick and tired of this sadness owning us and from now on, thanks to Teri, this date will be a celebration of us and of what we’ve survived together.
As I sat there during my reveal and saw these incredible images of myself, I was overcome with emotion. Yes! This is ME! While I watched my slideshow, tears streamed down my face, and with every blink I could see that Teri captured the Me I had lost, the Me my husband fell in love with and the Me the world used to know. I was shocked at how gorgeous I looked and yet felt a great swell of pride and confirmation as the hidden Me returned. When I started this process with Teri, I had convinced myself that this was going to be a gift for my husband and stand as a testament of our strength and love for each other. What I didn’t expect was that I fell in love with Me again.
Whether or not I become a mother, my life has meaning and purpose; to love those in my circle; to share my artistic gifts and bring joy to others; to be a light for everyone I meet and remind them that they have value. I accept what has been, live for what is and look forward to what will be.
This glorious babe has SO much love to give the world and I am so pleased that she stuck around to share some of her light with me. She also gave me the nickname Taco-Mama which I fucking love and am in the process of making a tshirt! Miss B, without a doubt, you are one of the most effervescent, brilliant women I have come to know and meet and I know you are going to move on, warming everyone with your beautiful light.
If you are interested in having your own self-love experience and uncovering that hidden light within, shoot me a message and let's have a chat!
Bryce Canyon {Travel Diaries} ~ International Boudoir Photographer
Prior to Christmas, I took a fun trip down to Salt Lake City, Utah to visit some friends of mine and to partake in some photographic adventures! I first hung out with my friend Hailey whom I had met in NYC this past year at the Babetown workshop and we got along famously. We had an amazing time just chilling, eating American junk food, watching Glee, and visiting Target (TWICE!). It was good to just relax and Hailey even took me to the Reflection pond at the Joseph Smith Memorial in downtown SLC where we oohed and aaaahed at the twinkle lights. After drinking fish bowls of mojitos and eating our weight in tacos with Hailey's neighbor, I headed to hangout with my other buddy Chad of Faces Photography, also whom I had met in NYC at the Babetown workshop! Chad and I took a bit of a roadtrip outside of SLC to Bryce Canyon. We rented a cute airbnb (the selling factor for me was the ladder!) in the heart of the mountains, did some Facebook Live-ing for the Babetown crew, drank some Fireball (first time for me!), and enjoyed a gourmet meal of boxed taquitos. The next day, we met up with Chad's friend Kyle and our model KJ. They first stopped at our airbnb so we could partake in some of my usual style boudoir, but then we took to the red rocks of Bryce Canyon where we evaded tourists, braved the cold weather, and got some amazing shots. I am quite excited to go back to Utah (maybe in the spring or summer instead) so I can explore other gorgeous landscapes, but for my first visit it was quite amazing! I can now check Salt Lake City and Utah off the list of places I have never been before and that's pretty cool! Next time you see Chad and I getting into shenanigans will either be when I head to Atlanta or when we get together for the next Babetown workshop in Idaho! You can check out the brief video I made of our adventures, below:
